Feeling bored is a normal feeling at some point in life. When this happens within the couple, it means that it is time to introduce new things to revive the relationship.
Last update: June 21, 2022
Feeling bored in a relationship is as normal as when you are bored at work, in the family or for anything else. Let's start by saying that boredom is not as bad a feeling as many believe. It's like catching the flu, it can happen to anyone from time to time.
We can define boredom as a state in which there is no interest or no motivation. Etymologically it derives from the Provençal “enoja” derived from “enojar”, ​​which in turn derives from the late Latin “inodiare” which means “to hate”.
Getting bored with your partner, with friends or at work is perfectly normal under certain circumstances. It is simply a consequence, not a problem in itself. Just as the night allows us to appreciate the day (and vice versa), even the periods of boredom allow us to appreciate the news.
“Give me a soul that knows no troubles, annoyances, murmurs, sighs and moans. Don't let me worry too much about that intrusive thing I call 'I'. "
-Tommaso Moro-
Reflections on boredom
Boredom is the first sister of depression, but not a synonym for it. It is a state that generates discomfort and that easily leads to sadness. Sometimes it leads us to ask ourselves questions about the meaning of life by stimulating our thoughts. After some time, it could lead us to despair.
Isaac Asimov once said that boredom would become the great disease of modern times. Why only modern times? Did it not exist in other times? Perhaps the connotation of this feeling has changed, which today has acquired a highly negative meaning and for this reason it is not tolerated.
A person gets bored when there is no fun in his life. It's like living another version of reality. It arises when activities or daily routines become too repetitive or when there are no goals or they lose their power of attraction.
Feeling bored in the couple
When boredom appears in the couple, it is generally interpreted as a warning sign. The first idea that comes to mind is the suspicion that love is ending. Those in long-term relationships know this is not the case. Love and boredom towards the partner are realities that, although seeming contradictory, coexist.
The most frequent situation is that boredom appears within the couple after a few years of cohabitation. Some studies indicate that the critical moment is between four and seven years after the start of the relationship.
This time frame is identified for specific reasons. After four years of a relationship, the brain stops releasing dopamine and other substances associated with falling in love. The seven years anthropologically coincide with the cycle that completes a child's education. From a biological point of view, therefore, we are ready to do without the couple when the survival of the species is fully guaranteed.
From a psychological point of view, boredom within the couple can indicate that the romantic love is over. However, a study by Sandra L. Murray, Dale W. Griffin and John G. Holmes reveals that the more idealized the falling in love phase, the less likely it is that boredom will appear after the end of this phase.
Affection anxiety
When two people fall in love, the so-called “affection anxiety” is activated in them. Starting a love relationship with someone generates the belief that one's life is experiencing an expansion. It is experienced as a sort of psychological awakening that arouses very pleasant sensations.
Therefore, a need for protection and comfort arises, but also the fear of loss. The antidote for all this is the closeness of the loved one. When it is present and has the same feelings as us, the anxiety subsides. What you need is to have a connection with your loved one.
Over time, this feeling of individual expansion and psychological awakening fades. What was extraordinary becomes ordinary and the feeling of novelty diminishes or even disappears. The enthusiasm and pleasant sensations that one felt before dissolve into nothing. This is the moment in which it is possible to feel boredom within the couple.
With difficulty, things will go back to being as they were at the beginning. However, it is possible to spice up the relationship and avoid boredom. Introducing new things and carrying out new activities is the best way to awaken mutual interest. Furthermore, it is useful to evolve individually to change this feeling and avoid stagnating in it forever.
