When a relationship ends it often leaves a trail of pain behind it. However, over time the pain subsides and disappears forever. In fact, some relationships remain relegated to our distant past, they occupy a place in one of the drawers of our mental closet. There are relationships whose memory is very resistant and comes back at any moment, even if many years have passed; it is about great loves. Anyone who has experienced a great love knows how difficult it is to forget that relationship. You can offer it consciously, you can live new experiences and meet others, but the memory of that relationship is still present, as if you had lived it yesterday. How can we forget a great love?Great loves leave deep traces in the brain
A great love leaves a mark, and it is not a simple metaphor. Neuroscientists are convinced that the key lies in our brains. In practice, when a relationship is very intense it generates an "imprint" or "anchor" in our brain that remains active in the memory, even over time. It is a neurological circuit through which we fix more intensely those memories that have a strong emotional imprint.
From this point of view, it does not matter if after the relationship we are left alone to try to heal the wound or we immediately meet another person, it will still be impossible to prevent our brain from continuing to activate memories related to great love. It is called "brain conflict" because, even if the relationship has come to an end and we no longer want to think about it, our brain continues to activate its memories, even against our will.
This phenomenon occurs mainly in the temporal lobe. In this area of ​​the brain there is the hippocampus, an area that preserves the declarative memory (all the verbal data related to that great love) and the amygdala (containing all the emotions related to the relationship).
The problem is that our brain prioritizes the preservation of all those experiences that have a strong emotional impact. In fact, in the laboratory it was found that we remember words that have an emotional meaning better and we easily forget neutral words. We also remember the details of a story that generated emotions in us.
Everything in our brains is designed to give importance to emotions. For example, there are more neural connections ranging from the limbic system (responsible for processing emotions) to the cerebral cortex (the area linked to thought and reason) than those that travel in the opposite direction. The limbic system acts as the first switch when it receives information from the environment, starting from here, if the stimulus is emotionally significant the amygdala is activated and a series of neurotransmitters are released that stimulate the hippocampus. Then the fixation of the memory is produced and a model, a mnemonic imprint is created.
Obviously, the more intense the emotional context, the more indelible the memory will be. It is a defensive mechanism that allows us to recognize immediately when we are faced with a danger or, on the contrary, when it is a situation that gives us pleasure or joy.
Thus, when we remember the great love not only the hippocampus and the amygdala are activated, but also the whole limbic system, so we return to experience many feelings and continue to react significantly in front of the person. These memories can be triggered by anything, from a song or an aroma, an image or a simple thought. This is also the reason why, meeting again the person who was a great love for us continues to generate a real wave of emotions even after a long time. At that moment the amygdala takes over and kidnaps, at least in part, the reason.
In practice, our memories are so strong and are fixed with such precision in our brain that it is very difficult to eliminate them and, therefore, they can be reactivated even after many years.
Does time allow us to forget a great love?
The fact that we remember a great love with great intensity does not mean that it is painful. Over time, the pain is relieved and the positive experiences experienced as a couple begin to be reviewed.
Eventually an automatic review of the brain connections that had been created occurs, our brain begins to understand that there are some patterns that do not need to constantly spin so, little by little, it gives them less and less importance and passes them on to second. floor. That is the time when great love will lose its weight and we can move on.
Obviously, for this process of redistribution of the neural networks that had been created to take place it is not only important that time passes, but we must also create new emotional meanings, so that new experiences and relationships can gradually occupy the place they occupied. great love first.
