Last update: 14 September, 2022
Solving habitual conflicts is one of the skills that most helps us to remove worries. Where there are two human beings, at least a conflict arises. This does not depend on whether people are bad or willing to cause problems. It simply occurs because two people never think exactly the same way.
Healthy relationships are those free of conflict. However, it is not a question of avoiding contradictions, but of knowing how to resolve them. The real secret of proper coexistence lies in this and it is not so difficult if we propose it again. It is enough to have will, patience, understanding and be willing not to get stuck in differences, so as not to mull over them.
“First, listen. Give the opponent the opportunity to speak. Let it finish. Do not resist, do not accuse and do not argue. This only raises barriers. Instead, try to build bridges of understanding ”.
-Dale Carnegie-
Some conflicts are more frequent than others. Below we present an inventory of these usual problems that are worth learning to solve for a calmer life and healthier, more fluid relationships.
1. Resolve conflicts caused by misunderstandings or misperceptions
These are very common conflicts. They occur when there is a communication error. Participants do not have all the information or it is prevaricated or interpreted incorrectly. This causes bias, annoyance, or grudge.
To resolve these situations, it is best to opt for a frank and direct dialogue. If you notice that someone is suddenly hostile and you don't know why, it is best to ask them directly. The same is true in the opposite case. If something bothers you, you need to express it openly and with respect. Many big problems can be avoided through assertive communication.
2. Resolve conflicts caused by an agreement not reached
Sometimes the hostility between two people is constant and insidious. Maybe one criticizes the other in everything he does or says or always shows himself against or annoyed. In this way, they both feel constant malaise.
The most likely thing is that in these cases there is an unacknowledged underlying conflict. This big problem results in small daily and persistent fights. If you want to solve such a situation, the first thing you need to do is identify what lies behind it. Later, it is necessary to deal with this difficulty with the other person without forgetting sincerity and respect.
3. Resolve conflicts caused by conflicting interests
It is what is commonly called a "conflict of interest". It occurs when the needs of one person are opposed to those of another. For example, when there is a housework to be done and those who are supposed to do it want to rest instead of doing it.
In these cases, the problem can only be solved if the right negotiation is initiated. This means they both have to give up. However, both must also get a benefit. It is not so difficult to do this if the people involved accept that "a meager agreement is better than a fat sentence".
4. Resolve conflicts caused by different values ​​or beliefs
These conflicts also fall into the group of the most common. In reality, they don't occur because two people think differently. Having different ideas it becomes a problem when one or both of the people wants to impose their beliefs on the other and / or belittle their point of view.
In general, it often happens with religious or political beliefs. In both cases there is usually a desire for proselytism, or an interest in "recruiting" the other in one's party or group. To resolve conflicts of this type, it is sufficient to admit that respecting the freedom of thought of the other implies the guarantee that others also respect what I think.
5. Resolve power conflicts
Power is a permanent source of conflict. Whoever holds it is subject to all kinds of criticism, some well-intentioned and others less so. Those who do not own it, on the other hand, suffer the effects and, many times, feel that they do not get any advantages from it. There is always tension in the realm of power.
To resolve conflicts of power, the ideal is to propose horizontal resolution mechanisms. It means generating spaces to listen and meet those who do not have it. This not only applies to those who exercise power in social spheres, but also to those who have power in the family, at school, at work, etc.
6. Resolve conflicts caused by personal difficulties
Personal difficulties are those that refer to conflicts that occur in the mind of an individual. This means that, in reality, there is no external problem. It is the person who sees it that way. It happens when, for example, an anxious individual does not tolerate others to do something slowly.
Those who surround a person affected by a personal conflict, unfortunately, must make them aware of the situation. Most of the time she is not aware of it. Sometimes it's just a matter of making it clear that there is no real conflict. If you do this in a calm and respectful way, it will probably have a great effect.
7. Resolve conflicts caused by character incompatibilities
They are those conflicts that simply originate from a "lack of chemistry". For one reason or another, one person cannot accept another. It's a kind of generic antipathy that doesn't obey a particular element. In these cases, we can fall into the temptation to express this tension through continuous gestures of refusal.
While it is true that not everyone has to be nice to us, it is equally true that we have no right to reject someone as they are. Perhaps its characteristics are complementary to ours and we do not notice it. Perhaps we simply need to take a prudent distance and treat the other with the consideration they deserve.
Conflicts, in general, can always be resolved through assertive communication. This does not mean devious or falsely courteous communication. Rather, it is about facing the problem directly, with peace of mind and with respect for the other. If you know how to communicate properly, even before resolving a conflict, you will certainly know how to prevent it.
