"I love you, but I leave you." It seems a contradiction, but who has not found himself in a similar situation: having to end a relationship even if the love still exists. How to deal with these situations?
Last update: July 29, 2022
Having to leave the partner you still love is a very common experience. It happens as a result of a betrayal that broke the heart, which still beats for the person who betrayed us. The same happens even when, despite the passion, coexistence is as unsustainable as it is harmful.
We would like love to be much simpler, less twisted, but as the French writer Françoise Sagan used to say, «to love is not just 'loving well', it is above all understanding». Likewise, she stressed that the only sensible way to love is to border on madness. We can therefore affirm that the contradiction is a continuum in this field.
It's hard to keep your feet on the ground, but what we should never lose is our head. Carrying on a relationship where there is love, but the suffering is continuous, doesn't make much sense. Even if we find it hard to believe, sometimes those who love us the most hurt us the most and we cannot allow this.
Leaving someone you still love is an experience that leaves its mark.
Tips for leaving the partner you still love
Sometimes love and events collide like two planets colliding. We do not know why, but we always reach that age when we discover that love does not win over everything.
Those who love us shouldn't make us cry, yet it can happen more than it should. Sometimes there is a variable in the formula of affection between two people that sooner or later we become aware of.
Leaving the partner you still love is a common experience for most. The University of Utah research study, for example, reveals interesting data. There are many reasons why we choose to end a relationship, but one is decisive: losing trust.
This is not just the same as stopping feeling that alliance and that authentic complicity with your loved one. It is understanding that, no matter how much we do, no matter how much effort we invest, what takes us away is not resolved. In these cases it is advisable to act as we explain below.
Speak honestly and don't give yourself second chances
In order to leave the partner you still love, it is essential to be honest with one another. We can't end a relationship without giving an explanation, without having one last conversation to clarify why she is breaking up. Let's avoid clichés or ready-made phrases, let's avoid the classic “it's not you, it's me” or “I don't have clear ideas, let's give ourselves some time”.
We need to be clear that the relationship does not bring us genuine happiness and communicate it assertively. For this purpose, it is advisable to proceed as follows:
- First of all let's clarify what we will say. We should be concise and avoid improvising.
- Let's prepare for what the other person might say. She will surely use love as a pretext to avoid breaking up, using phrases like "If you love me, you can't leave me."
- Let's not fall into the trap of second chances. On average, they only intensify the suffering.
- We could explain that “I am leaving because I love myself. I prefer to end this relationship because I love you and neither of us deserves to hurt each other like we have done so far ”.
Don't look for blame
When a relationship ends, one tends to blame the other for cheating or neglecting. It also often happens that the couple cannot get along despite love.
However, when you leave the partner you still love, it is advisable not to blame. We accept that breaking up is the best option for both of us, the only way to stop suffering and be yourself again. Let's do it without resentment and further discomfort.
Getting support to cope with pain
When a relationship ends, we lose a part of us, especially if there is still love. In these situations it is crucial face a phase of mourning and experience all the complex emotions that it brings with it. This takes time and there will undoubtedly be hard days and moments of doubt.
In times of difficulty it is advisable to enjoy good support: friends and family are always indispensable allies.
Apply the "zero contact" strategy to leave the partner you love
After the end of a relationship, it is not worth looking at the social profile of the ex. Avoiding any contact in real life and in the online universe will prevent you from fueling thoughts and emotions that no longer have a place.
This will make it easier to move forward without looking back, without being anchored to someone who has no more space in our present.
Before getting back together, remember the reasons that led to the breakup
When there is still love, push and pull are common. They are those “chewing gum” bonds that never break completely, that go from reconciliation to breaking up several times. It is not recommended for one's mental and emotional balance.
Faced with the temptation to reconnect with the ex, we remember what led us to leave him. Let's think about the suffering we experienced and ask ourselves what would become of our dignity if we got back together.
Be decisive and set new life goals to leave the partner you still love
Leaving your loved one because the relationship caused unhappiness is a courageous decision. Prioritizing yourself is wise. Reaffirming one's decision without looking back is an act of great emotional maturity.
It is true that, in some moments, when you close your eyes, some significant and magical moments of the past relationship come to mind.
That this happens is positive, because it is appropriate to treasure the good moments, but it is essential not to go back, not to resume bonds that hurt and limit.
The best choice, therefore, is to move forward, set new goals, meet new people, continue to grow. This is the meaning of life.
