The factors that lead to having little patience with children are many and involve different areas. These are situations that affect rest and increase irritability and emotional instability.
Last update: December 29, 2022
Having little patience with children is an evil that afflicts all parents. Many don't even know why, as they adore their children and want only the best for them. But one thing does not exclude the other, especially when one becomes a parent without having resolved certain inner knots or adopts inadequate strategies to raise children.
It is very common that lack of patience with children leads to unfair behavior and, later, self-reproach. This also confuses children and sometimes, strange as it may seem, stimulates the behaviors that most annoy parents.
All that it happens especially with younger children, but it can also involve adolescent children. Why is there little patience with children? How can this be solved? Let's see it together.
"With love and patience, nothing is impossible."
-Daisaku Ikeda-
Little patience with children: the causes
Having little patience with children hides a latent anger towards them or towards what they represent. In other words, impatience is a manifestation of something deeper and that generates a state of disagreement, frustration or malaise. The reasons that can determine the lack of patience with children are the following:
- Little clarity in the division of roles. It happens when you take on the role of parent without having a clear idea of ​​what it means. It is thought that it is natural, that there is nothing to learn, but it is not so.
- The upbringing of children becomes an obstacle to the realization of individual wishes. The mother, father or both parents want to start projects that take time and see the children as an obstacle.
- The relationship is not good. Sometimes children are perceived as a source of conflict in the couple, as a result they end up being seen as an obstacle to the pleasure of living together.
- Certain patterns are repeated. Those who have been mistreated or considered little during their growth tend to repeat these patterns if they have not previously carried out a work of elaborating what they have experienced.
- Trouble controlling your impulses. Sometimes the problem is a lack of understanding and control over one's emotions, not just with children, but in life in general.
- The son is refused. This usually occurs without the parents being aware of it, and it doesn't mean they are monsters. They simply have not accepted motherhood or fatherhood, for various reasons, although they love their children.
Interpret anger
Having little patience with children is a symptom and should be seen as such. This means that the problem to be solved is not this, but everything that lies behind it. It takes a work of reflection and honesty with yourself to identify the cause, or causes, that trigger the problem.
A good place to start is to start thinking about why you chose to become a parent. It is not always the result of a plan or it happens at the most suitable time. This can give rise to intolerance towards the person who is born and claims a place in their life.
It is also necessary to reflect on the state of the couple's relationship and on the patterns followed to raise children. Where did they come from? What are they based on? Do they really work?
Emergency measures for when you have little patience with your children
Reflections can take time, but they are really important. This is the only way to get to the heart of the matter. Meanwhile, it is worth considering some measures to control lack of patience with children:
- Do not speak or act in anger. Anger is difficult to control and makes us make mistakes. Better to wait a moment before doing or saying something.
- Loosen the control. It is important to accept that, during the growth of children, there will hardly be times when we will have everything under control. Reality won't always meet expectations, so it's best to limit the drama.
- Ask for help. If raising children is perceived as a burden that requires more energy than expected, it is best to ask for help from your partner, friends or family, or other external resources.
- To observe. It is good to take note of the moments and reasons that trigger anger, as well as the behavior of the children in those moments.
First of all, it is important to talk about it in pairs and to agree on guidelines for the education of children and the distribution of tasks. In addition, it is advisable to identify the best strategies for the education of children.
