Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: December 05, 2022
Love can blossom at any age and under any circumstances. However, let's be clear, not all loves are positive. Those who hurt, who take their breath away, clip their wings and sink into misery are not. Instead, everything must be done to make love worthy of joy.
Nobody comes into the world as a relationship guru. We suffer, we cry, we laugh and we learn. Because we know our most intense emotions, those that make us feel bad but at the same time enrich us as wise souls with an open heart.
Love is an adventure and a leap into the void. Risking will always be worthwhile if we have the parachute of self-esteem and maturity with which to know how to set limits and priorities. And priority is always synonymous with happiness. Your own happiness.
How to make love worthy of joy and not pain
There is no one-size-fits-all magic formula. Each of us has our own story, with needs, values ​​and a different way of understanding personal relationships.
Since we all want to be happy and not suffer, we must always keep in mind these interesting pillars that can serve as a guide.
1. Don't idealize the other person
It is common to describe the partner as the ideal person; the only one who understands how we feel simply by looking at us, capable of making us laugh and dream. In short, a perfect being.
It may be so, the person may indeed boast great virtues, but we must not make the mistake of looking at the world through a pair of fogged glasses.
Love overflows and inflames us, sometimes it makes us go back to 15 without thinking that what we really do is project our wants and needs onto the partner.
It is not necessary to idealize, but to observe the loved one in all his reality, in all his complexity with his strengths and also with his defects. The ones we undoubtedly have too.
After all, love is the challenge of bringing two imperfect people together to form a perfect relationship. We assure you that the effort is worth it.
2. Don't give everything for nothing
What would we be able to do for love? Would we leave our family? Would we change cities? Would we ignore friends? Would we prioritize the needs of the partner? Would we set aside our values ​​for the person who now fills our hearts? We think objectively.
Love is not offering everything for nothing. Affective relationships are a continuous exchange where both win and no one loses; it is not a play of forces, but a balance of riches and discoveries, mutual efforts and negotiated concessions.
3. To love without possessing
The moment the first walls appear in the relationship, we begin to run out of air. If the partner forbids, instigates, if blackmail, victimization, reproach and ultimatum appear in her language, love brings pains and not joys.
Dependent love is neither mature nor conscious. It is a selfish love that puts one's needs and fears first.
4. Make love worthy by starting with yourself
Is it selfish to love yourself? Not at all. There are those who spend their whole life waiting for the perfect person, the ideal person, jumping from relationship to relationship without ever finding that ideal partner. This happens for the following reasons:
- You shouldn't look for a person who fills your gaps or relieves your fears. We must first become that "ideal person", that mature, balanced and confident person with whom everyone, including ourselves, deserves to be.
- If we don't love each other, we will spend our entire life waiting for others to love us and satisfy our needs. We shouldn't force anyone to solve our problems, our shortcomings or heal our wounds. We cannot force anyone to love us unconditionally if we don't love each other first.
- Those who love and respect themselves do not fear your loneliness, therefore, a more complete, wiser and more mature love can be offered. A love that will fill you with joys and not with pain.
Conclusions
It is possible to make love worthy of joy if you offer yourself with maturity and integrity without asking for anything in return. A relationship capable of enriching without blackmail is made up of two people who complement each other to make life a beautiful adventure full of happiness and to learn from every day.
Image courtesy: David Renshaw
