The birth of a child has the power to transform the life of the whole family and to trigger emotional processes which, if not managed, can affect the couple's relationship. We show how to prevent or deal with crises.
Last update: February 07, 2022
The birth of a baby changes life, no matter if the pregnancy was unexpected or planned. In both cases, the routine changes drastically and irreversibly. In the absence of proper emotional management, coexistence can suffer, which is why marital crises after the first child are frequent.
It should be emphasized that it is possible to avoid this and that, however, the aforementioned complications do not trigger in all cases. Nonetheless, there is no doubt that parenting puts a strain on the couple's bond.
Fatigue, lack of communication and all the changes that happen in record time often end up affecting the relationship. A proper management of the situation will help restore order and well-being.
How does the couple crisis manifest after the first child?
The crisis is in many cases it is characterized by continuous discussions, conflicts, reproaches and a negative dynamic that intensifies more and more. Other times there is a progressive distancing and coldness between the couple.
In both situations, the deterioration of the bond is evident and this it can result in sadness, anger, dissatisfaction and difficulty in exercising the parental role.
We cannot forget that the well-being of children is closely related to that of their parents; if adults experience emotional difficulties they will not be in the best conditions to establish a healthy bond of attachment with the child.
Unfortunately couple crises can lead to a breakup or last for years, harming the quality of life of the whole family. Knowing the causes and addressing them from the start is certainly the best alternative.
Causes of the couple crisis after the first child
We present below the main factors that contribute to the couple crisis after the birth of the child. As you can see, they are all related to the needs of the new situation.
Personal processes
The first reason is individual, since becoming a father or mother triggers a series of internal processes of great importance.
Women experience significant hormonal imbalances which can significantly affect their mood; In addition, the body has changed and recovery can be difficult to cope with.
On the other hand, he takes on a great responsibility and the identity is transformed to adopt a new role. This can lead to uncertainty, fear, confusion and guilt.
In the case of the father, similar psychological processes occur, to which is added the need to forge a bond with the child in a shorter period of time. As the woman begins to bond during pregnancy, it may be more complicated for the man.
It is also possible that the father feels displaced by the close bond between mother and child and does not recognize its role in the new dynamic.
New routine
Daily life changes completely with the arrival of a child, which becomes a priority. Timetables are changed, activities focus on the needs of the newborn and the previous rhythms prove inadequate.
This life change can be difficult to deal with, as it implies to some extent the abandonment of personal preferences and individual times to focus on the child's well-being and family.
Stress and division of tasks
The division of duties is one of the main reasons for discussion in couples, and after the arrival of a baby it becomes more relevant. Perhaps they had reached an agreement that pleased both of them, but with the birth of a child this will necessarily have to be changed.
The care of the child and the home must be combined and this is not always achieved in a natural and equitable way. Consequently, frustrations and resentments can arise.
Tiredness and lack of time among the causes of the couple crisis
Il torque time is drastically reduced in terms of quantity and quality. Parents have little free time and are almost always exhausted.
This reduces the spaces dedicated to the intimacy and enjoyment of the couple and can in many cases lead to an increasing estrangement.
How to prevent and deal with the couple crisis after the first child?
Keeping in mind that the couple crisis after the arrival of the first child is a possibility and not a certainty, it is better to know how to prevent its occurrence. Or, if it is already present, take action to restore the situation.
Either way, it may be helpful to keep in mind and apply the following recommendations:
- Prepare before giving birth. This implies being aware of the changes that will take place, the challenges that will arise and how to deal with them. Talking to experts or learning about other parents' experiences can be very helpful.
- Anticipating the difficulties. It may be helpful to define the routine and respective tasks after the baby arrives. Who will take care of each aspect and how the distribution will be. Obviously, everything must be flexible and can be modified according to the real needs of the individual moment; nevertheless, establishing some general guidelines will prevent future discussions.
- Carve out personal space and time. It is not easy when you become a parent, but it is essential for psychological well-being. Getting organized allows both of you to enjoy some time for yourself every day and every week. In this way, your energies will be recharged and you will be able to dedicate yourself to your tasks with a renewed spirit.
- Ask for help. It is not always possible to do everything; in these cases, there is nothing wrong with asking for help, whether it's from family and friends or professionals.
- Cultivating couple time. An hour each night to talk alone or enjoy a movie, a monthly date or a romantic getaway can make all the difference in protecting the couple's bond.
It is possible to overcome the crisis
It is important to remember that the couple crisis after the arrival of the first child it is a moment of transition and which, however intense and uncertain, will pass.
At this moment, communication can be the best ally: it allows you to share your mood, convey to your partner what you want and, at the same time, understand their needs.
Understanding the partner e acting as a team is key to coming out stronger from the first year of parenthood. Put aside silence, pride and reproaches, opt instead for sincere and assertive communication based on the love that unites you. Unity is strength!
