Statistics show that the combination of money and relationship is often a sensitive topic. Money and how it is to be managed is one of the most common causes of divorce and a source of conflict afterwards. It's best to be clear and explicit right from the start.
Last update: January 27, 2022
There comes a time when the butterflies in the stomach begin to matter less in love. It is the phase in which concrete questions acquire importance and idealism is replaced by practical sense. That's when that money and couple begin to form a delicate couple which, if not managed with intelligence and tact, can become a serious cause for conflict.
Money is more than just an asset. Each of us gives it a conscious and unconscious meaning. It depends on how we lived the childhood phase, on the education received, on the experiences lived with money and the context in which we live.
Money and couples are two realities destined to meet sooner or later. Sometimes from the very beginning, because for many people, economic conditions represent an important variable in choosing a partner. And there are not a few relationships that end up deteriorating or ending up due to lack of agreements or understanding in this sense.
"Lucky those who have talent and money, because they will use the latter well".
-Menandro-
Money and Pair: It's a subtle game at first
When it comes to money, hypocrisy often reigns, as Sigmund Freud pointed out. The father of psychoanalysis assured that, like sex, monetary issues are equally laden with taboos, half-words and prejudices. This is seen with particular force in the early stages of a relationship.
Money is generally too trivial a subject at first to be included on the list of issues on which agreement is sought. On the other hand, the feelings are intense and smooth out any differences. Both parties involved want to pay, donate to each other.
In this first phase, however, some models are already emerging that will mark the binomial money-couple. Almost always one of the two is more generous, the other more receptive. Implicit agreements begin to arise on how to manage expenses. On the other hand, the speech will become explicit after coexistence.
Money, power and asymmetry
Generally, we look for a partner with an economic level similar to ours. That's not always true, but that's usually the case. Nonetheless, it is unlikely that both have equal income, same spending patterns or the same expectations in the pair. From this point of view there is often asymmetry, manageable if the contrast is not too strong.
The problems start when there is economic inequality in the couple and money becomes a determining factor in the distribution of power. It is not uncommon for one of the two to provide financial support, generating for the other a sort of debt to be paid with other currency. With money you can, for example, win on issues where no agreement can be reached.
Equally frequent is the rivalry in the couple, especially if both of them are professionally successful and have solid resources. Conversely, if saving is the dominant topic, one of the two can become the punching bag on which the other unleashes all his frustration.
Clear agreements long friendship
In the research conducted by González and Espinosa published in the magazine Iztacala it is emphasized that money is the topic that is most likely to generate conflict in the average couple. It is the factor that produces the most disagreements before, during and after the divorce. The two researchers assure that this dimension is often poisoned by feelings of anguish, anger, resentment, envy, jealousy and much more.
Without realizing it, many couples end up using their money for wrong purposes. To control the other, for example, or to compensate for emotional wounds such as infidelity, indifference or abuse.
For this reason, the relationship between money and couple is an aspect that requires intelligent agreements and such as to trespass as little as possible into other areas. The best way to address this issue is to deal with it directly, periodically reviewing the agreements.
