What to do if my husband neglects me? My husband avoids me and doesn't look for me anymore: can I do something to save our relationship or is it over? Why doesn't it work with him anymore?
Many women, especially those who have been in a relationship for several years, complain about an emotional and physical distancing from one's partner, finding herself neglected by her husband, while time passes inexorably ...
Calvary, in such situations, involves every aspect of a relationship: complicity, affection, understanding and of course sex. The aforementioned problems have important repercussions on the quality of life and the survival of the relationship itself.
But what is behind this phenomenon? When does the relationship between husband and wife stop working? Is there a way to remedy it? In the article that you find below, I will explain to you which mechanisms lead to such a scenario and what behaviors to adopt in order to feed your relationship, giving it new life.
My husband neglects me: psychology and motivations
After years of happy marriage, a good sexual complicity and why not, a lot of love, you find yourself in the morning pouring coffee into the cup and pushing it towards a man, who does not even deign to look you in the eye and if he answers you, the only one towards which it emits is an indecipherable grunt.
How did it come to this point? Very simple: one step at a time.
Since you met, many things have changed, you and your partner have changed, and over the years several variables have come into play.
The time available to "live" has shrunk more and more: a demanding job, the birth of a child or looking after one of the parents meant that there was no space for communication, arriving at the end of the day with the only desire to turn off the brain and try to sleep, possibly without dreaming.
Likewise, the only moments in which you have the opportunity to exchange more than one sentence is when you have a fight, perhaps for rather futile reasons, discharging all the negative emotions on the partner, who is in turn the victim of a life that is not all pink and white.
Finally, the years that pass leave their mark on our body, making it less attractive and favoring the entry into marriage of third inconveniences who, like sharks sniffing blood, they recognize miles away from a husband who has problems with his wife.
Faced with this landscape, it is almost natural for a couple to build walls inside. In the worst cases, this evolution does not only involve the spouses, but also affects the family, in that the husband looks for any excuse to stay away from home.
To react by condemning only the man for getting to this point would be stupid, as well as unfair. After all, you too have been the protagonist of the same show. So, except in very rare cases, if it no longer works with your husband, you have your share of responsibility.
Maybe you have demanded too much of him, who in the end, like you, is just a human being with his weaknesses and needs. At the same time, you have not listened to his needs and have snubbed his plans, pressing him with the son who does not want to study, the bills to pay, lunch at your mother's etc ...
So you gradually drifted apart, until you get to this situation where your husband neglects you and seems totally indifferent towards you and your relationship.
My husband avoids me: how to react
While what you've read so far may have made you even more apprehensive, know that all is not lost: your story is in free fall, but it is not certain that it cannot regain its former balance.
Below, I leave you 4 tips. By following them, you will have a new chance to rebuild a more serene relationship with the one you love.
1. Stop pressing it
The first step is very simple and even a little obvious: stop blaming him for what is happening to you and do not harass him with constant attacks and invectives, perhaps indirectly, while talking on the phone with a friend, your mother or even worse with your children.
Likewise give him time, leave him alone. Give him enough space to understand that you have taken a step back. After a while he himself will realize that the pressures that made him feel bad are over and, most likely, he will try to get closer to you himself, perhaps asking you if your boy still has problems at school or if your mother has since done those tests.
Obviously, you don't have to take advantage of his letting his guard down to put the noose around his neck and start bombarding him with responsibility and chatter again. On the contrary, show understanding and start collaborating rather than delegating.
2. Intrigue him
You've given him space now, but your husband still holds his own. So it's time to move on to something more. Also in this case, you will have to do your part.
If one day your husband decided to spend the rest of his life with you, he made that choice also because he felt very physically attracted to you. So, to bring him back together you should push on the pedal of sensuality.
But beware: I'm not telling you to be found overnight on the bed with a leopard print outfit, or rather maybe yes, but first you'll have to work on it. Take care of your physical appearance, if you have gained a few pounds, start a diet, go to the hairdresser, take off those wool shoes and buy some sexy pantyhose again, making your he feel the change.
Obviously, you will have to do everything in style and one step at a time, otherwise you would just risk looking pathetic. However, if the process is gradual, your husband can't help but notice it and little by little it will try to get closer to you.
And you will welcome it with open arms.
Maybe, to revive your complicity, you could offer him some spicy game, which always drives men crazy. To that end, I recommend that you read one of the books on sexuality that we recommend in this article.
3. Set a good example
To destroy a city it takes only one battle lasting a few hours, to rebuild it for tens of years. The same goes for a marriage or a couple relationship. So, don't be surprised if things don't go your way right away.
Rather, instead of complaining to your girlfriends saying, "My husband isn't helping me rebuild our marriage", having coffee at the cafe after you take your child to school, switch to something constructive and you take the first step.
That is: do you want your husband to be more understanding, sweeter and more present? You start to be with him! At the same time, make sure that situations arise that see you alone and closer. If he listens to the game on Sunday afternoon, stay close to him, make him coffee, make him feel pampered.
Send the boys to your mom and ask him to take you out to eat a pizza or take a simple walk, make him feel comfortable with you again, not as a wife, but as a lover. Men have a hard time showing their feelings, especially at a certain age, so if you want your husband to reconnect with you, you need to set a good example and wait until he doesn't feel embarrassed.
4. Talk to him openly
Have you ever heard of those couples who understand each other on the fly and who don't need to talk to understand each other's needs? Yup? Good. Know that, for the most part, it's nonsense.
In fact, a person's heart is much deeper than one might imagine (yes, even that of men despite strong hands opening jars and broad shoulders). Consequentially it is quite difficult to understand the needs of another person, even if you have lived together for years.
If you are missing something, if you would like him to listen to you or be closer to you, talk to him openly. After all, your crisis did not begin with silence?
So, if you want your partner to get close to you, give him the real chance to do so. Make him understand what you are missing, certainly not with the tone of an order, but by making him understand that your need arises from the fact that you would like him to take care of you.
Likewise, it makes him feel comfortable enough to tell you about his needs, without feeling laughed at or snubbed and most of all, made fun of for his weaknesses. This process is very important, because it is one of the pillars that underpin the strongest relationships.
My husband neglects me: conclusions
We have reached the final stages of this long article where we have seen what lies behind the phrase "my husband neglects me”And how to change this state of affairs.
What is highlighted is that the responsibility lies with both, since we are indeed a couple and, for better or for worse, things are done in two. Likewise, this allows you to take control of the situation, giving your husband the opportunity to help you get out of this bad time.
So, always remember: do not assume that he should always be the one to solve everything, always remember to understand his needs and make him always feel attracted to you physically.
But most of all talk, always keep the dialogue alive, because if there is something that destroys unions it is silence in the face of a malaise.
My task ends here, thank you for coming to the end. I wish you all the best for both you and your relationship, although I am sure, that now that you know how to move, you will have no problem solving everything for the best, making your marriage reborn again.
