Despite trying hard, sometimes it seems impossible to stop arguing with your partner. Knowing how human communication works can help you put an end to these negative interactions.
Last update: January 26, 2022
Each emotional relationship presents what in informal language we define "ups and downs". Furthermore, in the couple relationship, these dynamics are more evident, because generally the partner is the person with whom we share the most time and with whom we have the closest bond. We may think that our relationship is the fruit of fate, but it really depends entirely on our actions. Precisely for this reason today we explain how to break the chains of negative interactions in the couple.
You will have seen for yourself that despite trying, it sometimes seems impossible to stop arguing with your loved one. Although it is our greatest desire, any gesture or word is misinterpreted and conflict erupts in the blink of an eye.
Before we get alarmed or think about ending the relationship, it is important to understand how human communication develops and how to intervene.
The origins of negative interactions in the couple
When we live together, the partner becomes a participant in our best moments, but also in our worst ones. He witnesses our stress, our physical and mental fatigue, our moments of anger and our moods.
A couple relationship must find its balance; but when creating a common project be aware that there will be days when the other person can only give us 20% and we will have to give the remaining 80%. In other cases, the opposite will happen.
So, when faced with a rude response, a comment or an inappropriate gesture, it is important to be assertive and to communicate clearly and respectfully to the other person who has bothered us. Yet, we often fail to do this. On the contrary, we take offense and act with indifference, contempt or silence towards our partner. Or, on the contrary, we react disproportionately, with a response that hurts just as much.
If this happens from time to time, it doesn't matter. The problem arises because communication patterns tend to stabilize in general.
Communication patterns tend to stabilize
Communication between two people consists of continuous feedback. When we address others, we do not do so from a neutral point of view, but on the basis of what we have received from them in the past. The path of previous interactions with a person predisposes us to react towards him in a positive or negative way. And the same goes for the partner.
Some couples rarely argue, while others are perpetually in conflict. This happens because certain communication models have established themselves and have taken root.
The partner says or does something that annoys you and you react with a reproach, an offense or coldly, in order to hurt him. The other, for his part, feels the blow and responds in turn in an inappropriate way. In the end neither of them admits they were wrong and both are convinced they are right.
We clearly remember all the comments and gestures of the other that hurt us, but we do not take into account our contribution in maintaining a dynamic of negative interactions in the couple.
How to break the vicious circle of negative interactions in the couple
These dynamics are not easy to resolve because we are convinced that the fault lies with the partner, so that it is up to him / her to take the first step. If we became aware that we are both guilty, we could come to a simple conclusion: we can curb this inertia and help create a positive momentum.
We should simply stop reacting based on your partner's reactions and decide independently with which gesture, word or interaction we would like to nourish our way of communicating. We take the first step and change course.
Negative interactions in the couple tend to repeat themselves, but the same goes for positive ones. Therefore, by changing approach, communication will also change. At this point it is no longer a question of finding out who is to blame or who started it, but who has put an end to the discussion. And that person could be us if we want to.
Over time we will learn to recognize these patterns at the outset; we will be able to clearly distinguish negative interactions and how they develop, so we will be able to block them in time. In this regard, reflect on your partner's involvement, but also on your own.
