The solution to emotional dependence in a relationship involves acquiring greater personal autonomy. Although it is not always easy to obtain, in this article we will give you some tips.
Last update: January 28, 2022
Fighting emotional addiction isn't easy, but it's not impossible either. Break the chains that bind the other person, setting limits and dedicating oneself to one's own activities and spaces are strategies that help to acquire greater personal autonomye.
As you know, in the first months of a relationship it is perfectly normal to count the minutes between us and our partner and want to spend as much time as possible together. At least until the phase of falling in love begins to subside and make way for a more mature love.
The trouble occurs when the desire to be with the other becomes a necessity and being alone or having personal plans becomes a problem. It is in these situations that emotional dependence emerges; when you stop being yourself to satisfy the other's desires and expectations; when you end up being chained to your partner and relationship until you are almost invisible
What to do to manage such a situation and gain more personal autonomy? In this article we will try to answer this question.
Gain personal autonomy by dedicating yourself to different activities
While you may get along well with your partner in a number of ways, there will inevitably be others where it will never be.. It is not possible to absolutely agree on everything: maybe we love excursions and our partner doesn't; maybe we are more attracted to strength sports while the partner prefers aerobics ...
The most important thing is to respect these differences. Because being a couple doesn't mean sacrificing your independence, your tastes and hobbies or just your opinions, much less being together every minute. A relationship is much more than being equal and in agreement, it means relating, respecting, accepting and growing together.
However, people who suffer from emotional dependence, fear of abandonment or of losing the other person may come to limit their activities to those with their partner and, in essence, to limit one's personal world. This situation, which at first glance may seem harmless, negatively affects self-esteem. Therefore, it is highly recommended that you never give up on activities that give pleasure, just because the other person is not involved in them.
Having your own intimate and personal space helps fight one of the beliefs that predominate in the ideal of romantic love: acquiring autonomy in the relationship does not mean loving less, but taking care of yourself and cultivating what makes us feel good without necessarily depending on the other hand to do so.
Make distinctions between friends with and without partners
Often, when you're in a relationship, you tend to get to know other couples to befriend. This is certainly positive and enriching; However, what about single friends, pushed aside once you meet your partner?
There are many people who abandon their friends because they don't want to leave their partner alone, especially those who experience emotional dependence. The problem is that this attitude is not healthy. If we think in the long term, we see that it can also have negative consequences: do we no longer care about that friend who has always been around us? Did he do something to us? What will happen if the relationship ends?
Thinking that the latter hypothesis could happen is difficult, but probable. There is no guarantee that the relationship will last forever, another of the beliefs of romantic love. Not taking care of your friends, therefore, risks condemning us to be alone and without support.
It is always gratifying to be able to count on people for whatever happens, because they love our company and with whom to share experiences. What is not acceptable is to be available or not depending on the presence or absence of a partner.
People with emotional dependence need to gain personal autonomy to realize that there is a life beyond the couple. Even if they put all their effort into it, the relationship can still end. In these cases, instead of devoting time to themselves and valuing friendships, these people end up throwing themselves back into a relationship and increasing their emotional addiction problem even more.
The damage of the concept "we are one"
One of the beliefs that has caused the greatest damage to the well-being of relationships is that of "we are one". To counter this belief, we must understand the couple as a team made up of two people who share their lives, but who are not one. In short, we are different, but with a common path: the relationship.
According to all the beliefs that develop around couple relationships, the "we are one" that can seem so innocent, even affectionate, can turn into a very dangerous element. And this happens because in some situations we are unable to recognize the limit between the individuality of one and the other, progressively fading into a relationship based on irrational beliefs and losing our own identity.
We should all learn to gain more autonomy in relationships. Even if many already do it, it would be enough to look around to realize how many people still do not do it.
Perhaps it may be okay for some to not have this autonomy and experience the relationship in this way, however it is good to emphasize that this approach may not work for people suffering from emotional dependence. They risk making bad choices and losing more and more self-love over time.
