Power struggles are common in many families. However, it is much more rewarding to relate to children on the basis of mutual trust and respect.
Last update: April 24, 2022
Parents are human too, they too have bad days, they lose patience and make mistakes. Even those who are aware of their role, those who try to observe the words and act correctly, can fall into power struggles with their children.
Relationships are complicated, people are complex. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by impulses, fears and the ego. And, without a doubt, the parenting will test our resources countless times.
Bonding with children can be one of the most difficult. In light of this, it is important not to lose the right perspective. Power struggles often hide a misconception of what it means to be a parent.
To banish them from the routine, it is imperative to analyze our beliefs and change course, because another kind of parenting is possible.
We will see that it is much more rewarding to relate to children with a positive approach rather than having to assume the role of sergeant or police officer.
How to identify the power struggles?
Perhaps on more than one occasion there has been a heated one discussion with their children. They address or receive offensive words, using a sharp tone and creating an environment in which the tension is cut with the knife.
Regardless of the outcome of such situations, we ultimately feel drained, sad and disappointed. Maybe even guilty. Nobody wants to relate to the people they love the most in this way; however, no other seemingly effective way is known to impose limits or discipline.
Before claiming that children are disobedient or rebellious, let us ask ourselves if we are conducting an educational exercise or simply entering a power struggle.
For example, imagine you told your child to wear a blue coat, but he refuses. He claims to prefer the gray one. Insist, in a firmer and more impatient tone, that he obey your order. And he rebels even more.
The discussion served. But what's really the problem? The child had chosen a garment appropriate to the climate and social situation, even if it was not what you wanted.
Have you been moved only by the need to control and impose? The rebellion of the minor is in this case only a cry to be heard, so that his opinion is taken into account.
A democratic family
Power struggles frequently appear when the family is understood in a hierarchical manner, with vertical and authoritative relationships. The importance of setting boundaries to provide guidance and structure for children is obvious, but let's not get it wrong.
The rules that are established must be consistent, agreed upon and must be based on love and respect, not on the need to dominate the children.
It is much more beneficial for the child's development to grow up in a democratic family, in which horizontal relationships of mutual trust are established. This does not imply that parents and children are on the same level in terms of roles, but that no one is above the others on a personal level. Everyone deserves the same respect and consideration.
When we consider our children, the power struggles end. When we stop seeing ourselves as their owners and start seeing ourselves as guides, everything changes.
All our actions will be aimed at understanding our children and promoting their development, we do not want them to obey blindly. We will stop taking tantrums personally and begin to understand that they are normal and that we can help them.
Be a team
Forget about power struggles with children; you are not opponents, but a team. No one should win, no one should force or bend the other, both of you win when the bond works.
You will be surprised how children react when they are treated with respect and understanding, when they feel listened to, appreciated and taken into consideration.
They will not become tyrants if they have a say in the family, on the contrary, they will learn to assume the due responsibilities and to be collaborative; as a result, their self-esteem will increase.
