How to understand that you are ready for a new relationship? In this article, we reflect on pain after a breakup and talk about the indicators that can guide us to move forward and even to meet a new person.
Last update: July 07, 2022
Many breakups are similar to grief and require an adaptive response that allows the loss to be assimilated and priorities reordered. During this reconstruction the moment will come when we will ask ourselves: are we ready for a new relationship?
How to find out? In this article we give some ideas to answer this question. However, before moving on, it's worth debunking a myth.
Grief doesn't always happen after the breakup, but it may have happened earlier. We may have spent some time thinking about ending the relationship or we may have already put the relationship last on our priority list.
Ready for a new relationship or wait?
After a complicated breakup and, many times still in the midst of mourning, there is a strong feeling of uncertainty thinking about the shattered plans.
After days, months or even years we may still ask ourselves: "How can I tell if I am ready for a new relationship?", "At what point will I know that I am emotionally available?" or "Is it possible to fall in love again when you still think about your former partner?".
These are just some of the most frequently asked questions. Especially when we are still trying to heal from a painful experience and regain our much-needed emotional stability.
When you're not ready for a new relationship yet
In the midst of grieving, when we are still assimilating the breakup, some actions or situations indicate that we are not yet ready to start a new relationship. Among these we find:
- Compare all the people we know ("suitors" or friends) with the ex partner.
- Talking for no reason about the pain of the breakup and the armor we had to wear to avoid suffering (on all dates).
- Trying to have a relationship that doesn't go on because we suddenly feel stressed.
- Find someone to love, with whom we feel good, but who "does not fill us".
Leave room for doubt
Maybe it's been a while since our last breakup and we're considering starting over. At this point, it's normal to ask, "Am I ready for a new relationship?"
When this question appears, doubts also come. There may be a part of us that feels more motivated and strong enough to want to experience "butterflies in the stomach" for someone.
However, the other side still feels hurt, terrified of fears and insecurities that make it not entirely clear what we should do.
At this point, the importance of listening to oneself comes into play: let's ask ourselves what we really need.
Opposite feelings
Many times we wonder if we are ready for a new relationship because we have mixed feelings and sensations. First, we still remember the ex and occasionally feel nostalgia or even resentment towards him.
On the other hand, we start to sleep and eat normally, we feel more energetic and regain some strength. So how do you know if we are ready for a new relationship?
There is no answer: find your own way
The truth is that there is no one answer for everyone, not even for the same person at different times. We will have to venture and explore.
Each person is a world unto himself: there will be people who, already in the final phase of mourning, will try to get to know someone. They may not be 100% ready, but they want to start opening up.
This means that they are starting to get rid of the armor and regain faith in love.
Instead, there will be people who will feel the need to heal completely before "getting back into the game" in love; they do well too. There are no more valid options than others, and we all have the right to choose and, above all, to make mistakes.
The importance of listening to yourself
Listening to what we need at all times is the most important step of all. Listen to how you feel.
Identify moments of "down" or extreme sadness associated with loss or breakup. Just having them doesn't necessarily mean we're not ready for a new relationship. They are simply indicators of how it is going.
Also try to discover the frequency of these manifestations, if they are triggered by particular situations, if it is difficult for you to get out of them ... These are all valuable information that can guide us in identifying our moment of challenge.
In a special way, they will help us find out if we are ready for a new relationship or not.
Connect with your emotions
The most reliable way to know the answer to the question "Am I ready for a new relationship?" is to connect with your emotions. An itinerary that can be followed through listening.
Remember that listening doesn't just involve identifying how you feel, but giving yourself permission to hear it and, above all, giving space to emotions.
This way you will connect more with the present, leaving aside future projects and past memories. Do you still feel a certain apathy that prevents you from meeting new people? Respect your times.
Do you feel motivated? Do you want to try? Take small steps that lead you to open up to someone again. Try to sign up for an activity, meet new people ...
Do it without straining, taking into account that you may still be in a delicate moment and, above all, knowing that you can always back down.
Ready for a new relationship, but one step at a time
If you have wondered if you are truly ready to open up to love again, it is because you have probably already made many steps in the grieving process. There is always room for doubt, and that's okay. Be that as it may, we encourage you to listen to what you really feel.
Listen to your heart, respect your times, make a small analysis of the progress achieved. How did you feel after the step you took? How much weight do memories and expectations still have on your mood?
It's easy to create emotional shells after suffering, but these shells only go away with more love… most importantly, with more self-love.
"Make a promise to yourself right now: declare that you are worthy of your time and energy."
-Deborah Day-
