Last update: 15 September, 2022
The publication of research conducted in the United States caused a great stir. It indicated that 20% of the people surveyed had had sex with a friend. The most surprising aspect is that these people claimed that such sexual relations strengthened the friendship leading them to be together later. Today we ask ourselves, therefore, if sex between friends really improves the relationship.
The research was conducted at Boise State Universiity and directed by Heidi Reeder. 300 people, between men and women, were interviewed. As has been mentioned, 20% reported having had sex with a friend at least once.
In 76% of cases, sex between friends strengthens the friendship relationship. Furthermore, 50% later get engaged. All data emerged from the aforementioned study.
Sex between friends: a new kind of relationship
There are conflicting opinions regarding sex between friends. There is no conclusion that can apply to all cases, because this type of relationship is closely related to the character characteristics of the people involved. In some cases, everything goes smoothly. In other cases, great confusion occurs.
What is certain is that there are currently many couples of "friends with the bed". These are spontaneous bonds in which, at times, explicit agreements are made and at other times not. The fundamental pact is to maintain a relationship of friendship, without sex becoming a means of eliminating spontaneity, respect or the etiquette of the bond.
In general, this can work when both consciously accept the rules of the game and abide by them. Difficulties arise if the agreement is not very clear for one of the two. Difficulties can also arise when sex between friends becomes a conscious or unconscious strategy for getting closer to a person with whom you want to have a formal relationship.
A non-binding bond
At the beginning, sex between friends occurs because two people know each other and are attracted to each other, but love does not "trigger". In this case, both people involved don't want to compromise. This is a more common relationship among teenagers.
Although two friends have sexual relations, this bond is not like that of two lovers. This means that the typical feelings of friendship are present, but not those that characterize a love relationship. The "bed friends" spend time together, talk a lot, plan activities together, but have no duty towards each other.
There are, therefore, all the conditions for starting a relationship, except one: the willingness to engage with the other person. One way or another, everything is allowed except to demand or make complaints about the relationship.
The rules of the game
Sex between friends usually works when you respect the rules of the game and enter into this bond with total honesty. The fundamental rules of a relationship of this type can be summarized in the following points:
- No complaints should be made regarding the commitment.
- No couple habits are established.
- Both of them can have relationships with other people at any time.
- We don't plan a future together.
- There is no cohabitation.
- Sexual encounters are usually casual and unplanned.
It is very important to take into account that the agreement by which this link is created must be as explicit as possible. What is not said, what is not agreed can generate misunderstandings on one or both sides. If the people who decide to enter a sexual relationship know each other well, everything is easier. If you don't know how the other person might react under certain circumstances, unpleasant (but also pleasant, of course!) Surprises may arise.
It is worth specifying that in certain circumstances this constraint is not at all convenient. For example, when one of you already has a partner. Love triangles are never a good idea. Neither is a sexual relationship between two people who were previously together. In all likelihood, such situations can generate many misunderstandings.
To conclude, if at some point one of you realizes that he has fallen in love, the correct thing to do would be to say it and rephrase or end the agreement based on the feelings of the other person.
