Sex is a fundamental part of the relationship, but it is up to each to determine the level of relevance of the same.
Last update: December 18, 2022
Some people think that sex is overrated in a relationship, while for others it is essential. How important is sex in a relationship?
It is certainly an important part of a couple's life, although not the same for everyone. In reality, many couple problems are due precisely to the different importance given to the intimate sphere.
It may seem obvious, but over time people change and priorities with them. Even the vision of sexuality can change and that doesn't necessarily mean it matters less and less.
Eroticism is one of the bases of self-knowledge, as indispensable as poetry.
-Anais Nin-
Sex in a relationship is happiness
Studies show that cohabiting couples, regardless of their age, who feel satisfied with the relationship also enjoy a healthy sex life. Likewise, couples who talk and spend time together can boast of a better sex life.
Most sexologists agree that couples who do not have sex are often unhappy, frustrated, depressed, rejected, insecure, have difficulty concentrating and low self-esteem.
We refer to a frequency of 10 sexual intercourse or less during the span of a year. Interestingly, various studies indicate that several couples barely reach these figures.
Other research has revealed that couples who share sex infrequently are more likely to consider divorce.
In the sexual sphere, there are no "normal" parameters
When wondering about the importance of sex in a relationship, it must be clear that there is no "normal" measure. Each pair is different.
Some studies reveal that happy couples have an average of 3-4 sexual encounters per month. But this depends on each couple and each person, how sexual desire is maintained over the years, and many other factors.
Furthermore, the importance of sexual intercourse can change and fluctuate over time. The sexual sphere often ceases to be a priority and the modalities also change, as do the other relational aspects of the couple.
Here because the most important aspect is to analyze how sex is included in the relationship over time, what factors vary and the type of relationship that exists.
If you wait how communication or activities to share have changed, your sex life has probably changed too.
Getting to know each other and getting to know your partner is a never-ending task, which is why important issues in the life of a couple such as sexuality should not be taken for granted. The principle behind the relationship should be to keep listening and learning from each other.
Guilt about sex in a relationship
We don't have to feel guilty for asking for what we want or because we don't share the partner's wishes. Communication is essential.
Many people may refuse to have sex simply because they no longer satisfy them or because they are asked for something they don't like. Talking about it is the best way to solve the problem.
For a healthy sex life you need to understand each other, speak without feeling guilty. Only in this way can intimate relationships be pleasant, as a result, their frequency will increase and so will communication.
Another approach to sex in the relationship?
Natalia Tenorio (2012), professor of sociology at the Autonomous Metropolitan University of Mexico, talks about sexual changes in couples. Distinguishes between "traditional" couple and "modern" couple.
The traditional term uses it in reference to couples who only have sexual relations with each other; uses the modern term, instead, to designate couples with sexual freedom, that is, in which both entertain extramarital relations. It should be made clear that the concepts "traditional" "and" modern "are mere designations, not detonated any pejorative nuances.
The scholar states that sexuality has changed, specifically it has gone beyond something purely reproductive, "sex for pleasure is an integral part of the modern couple; but it is not alone […] it is also part of the construction of the self, which is why we also seek outside the relationship of love ”.
On the other hand, Natalia Tenorio also argues that “sexual relations outside of engagement or marriage do not represent a topic widely and openly discussed by the couple. […] It is not present either in speech or in practice, in most couples. "
Finally, he concludes by stating that consensual extramarital intercourse is not common. Despite the changes that can affect different areas of the relationship, at the end of the day we want to feel loved and protected; to feel that we have that little corner of privacy and exclusivity of which only we are protagonists.
