When we share our concerns and feelings, we want to be understood, not judged. Identifying the people who can successfully play this role is a skill that can help us a lot and is the first step to feeling better.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
You have surely wondered with whom it is more appropriate to share your feelings. Not all people are receptive or adequate, that's for sure, no matter how close they may seem to us. Likewise, there are those who, with all the good faith in the world, end up making us suffer with an inappropriate comment or by giving us advice when we just want to be heard. It is therefore advisable to follow some guidelines to choose who to share your feelings with.
We have been told on many occasions that sharing our feelings with others is as positive as it is cathartic. However, not all people are suitable for practicing this sort of "emotional craft".
If we look back, we will find that at some point we will have stopped sharing our pain, our joy or our amazement with someone. It happens frequently. We think that friend, colleague or even sister are not receptive enough to understand our feelings.
We often find that this someone does not represent the refuge from pain that we imagined, perhaps because it does not give due importance to what makes us feel bad and worries us. There are also those who judge us or who simply he is very clumsy and cannot put himself in our shoes and help us.
“By being in silence we learn to listen; by listening we learn to speak; finally, by speaking, we learn to be silent ”.
-Diogenes-
With whom can we share our feelings?
Charlote Brontë used to say that the interest of the listener stimulates the language of the speaker. We have all tried it more than once on our skin; it is a cathartic and comforting experience.
The study conducted by Dr. Ullrich Wagner of the University of MĂĽnster, Germany, shows us that sharing your feelings with good friends activates the brain's reward system. After the moments of complicity, the feeling of well-being increases.
Often, however, the reverse is also true. We think we can confide in certain people we consider trusted to share certain experiences and feelings, but then we regret it. This can have important consequences on our mood.
For example, if a teenager decides to share their feelings and thoughts but receives criticism or is made fun of, different scenarios may arise. The first scenario involves closure, so the teenager will choose not to share anything with anyone anymore. In the other, in a fateful phase like adolescence, it can greatly damage her self-esteem.
Not all people are able to listen or offer emotional support. Therefore how to understand with whom to share your feelings? Here are some helpful tips.
Warning: sharing your feelings is not a form of communication
There are those who do not use filters when they speak and have no problem being honest. These people tend to share every thought and feeling with colleagues, friends and acquaintances. The consequences of this indiscriminate practice can be as serious as it is disastrous.
Let us therefore remember to be cautious, prudent and intelligent. Knowing that someone is by our side does not automatically make him the adequate support for our reflection. Sharing emotions or feelings is not another form of communication, but a more intimate and delicate exchange.
Listening without judging, listening without giving advice
When we choose to share something with someone we don't expect them to solve the problem for us. Often we only want a person who can listen to us and, above all, to understand each other.
It is therefore normal to be honest with that person who does not hesitate to shower us with advice and even give us an itinerary on what we should do. There are also those who are good at judging: "you shouldn't have done such a thing", "you trust too much", "you are wrong again, it is clear that it is not your field."
It is important to avoid these dynamics: if you want to share your feelings with someone, choose well, look for a person who is good at listening, able to show empathy towards you and show you genuine understanding.
Share your feelings with those who can create emotionally safe spaces
There are friends or even acquaintances who have the special ability to create safe spaces where trust is palpable, where we feel good, safe and understood. It could also happen that the person who is able to listen to us in the way we need is neither our partner nor our best friend.
Regardless of what we may think is happening, this is normal. Sometimes the figures who have always been with us are not the most adequate at a given moment to listen to us. We know they love us and want the best for us, but there are times when we need other perspectives, of a support that defends our interests in a more or less emotional way.
So you have to learn to search well, to find that special person who is able to listen to us as we deserve. It is important to be cautious and intelligent when it comes to sharing your feelings. A wrong comment can do a lot of damage, but a look that welcomes us with affection, without judging us, comforts and heals. Let's think about it.
