Getting married is an important decision. In fact, it is estimated that 86% of young people think their marriage will last a lifetime. But often, we are not fully aware of the implications of "for life".
In reality, it means that if we live an average of 90 years we will not only have chosen this person and their family for the rest of our lives, but that we will also share about 20.000 meals, 100 vacations and 23.000 days together. It is not cheap!
So it's not surprising that several studies indicate that a conflicted marriage can cause serious health problems and that some women argue that husbands are more stressful than children. Certainly having problems with the person we share our life with will not make us happier. At this point the question is: are we more or less aware of this? How do we end up choosing the wrong person?
The 3 factors that conspire against us
1. Society gives us bad advice
If we want to start a new economic activity, the company advises us to study the sector thoroughly to make the most of it and reduce the number of mistakes we could make. It is logical. However, there is no school that teaches us to choose the person with whom we will share the rest of our life.
In fact, if we are too rational in this regard we will be considered "strange". Society urges us to trust destiny and let ourselves be carried away by instinct. But the truth is that for a relationship to work in the long run it takes a lot more than "chemistry". Therefore, the big step cannot be motivated only by the heart, we must also think very well about the matter. There is no doubt that love is important and helps overcome many obstacles, but it is not the only ingredient that will sustain the relationship.
2. Others push us
After a certain age, which can be 25 or 35, depending on the country we live in, everyone begins to wonder when we are going to get married. And there are also those who think we're weird if we're still single.
Indeed, some people are very vulnerable to this social pressure, in such a way that they think the time has come to choose, without realizing that in reality it makes no sense to choose the first person who passes just so as not to be alone or to try to please others. . Fear and pressure are the worst enemies of good decisions because they push us to act for the wrong reasons.
3. Biology plays against us
Biology is not our best friend when it comes to choosing a partner for life. When we meet someone who makes us feel butterflies in our stomachs, our brains immediately go crazy and some hormones are released that ratify that love is actually blind.
It's understandable, but the process of falling in love isn't enough to justify choosing someone to share your entire life with. During this phase our rational brain does not think clearly because it has succumbed to emotions. Therefore, it is better to give time to time.
Of course, when we combine all of these factors, we can understand why so many people fail to choose a partner "for life" and end up entangled in relationships that make them unhappy.
The worst mistake: Not knowing what you want
Either way, the worst mistake of all is not knowing what we want from a relationship. In fact, when we are sure what we are looking for, social and biological pressures do not have a great influence on our decisions.
Additionally, several studies have shown that when we are single, we are not very good at determining what we really want from a relationship.
In this sense, a very interesting study carried out in the universities of Essex and Oxford with people who participated in a series of speed dating, revealed that we are particularly unable to indicate what we want, given that after only a few minutes we can contradict ourselves and change our minds. Apparently, our preferences are not as immutable as we thought, but they vary depending on the person in front of us.
Another study conducted at the University of Texas sheds new light on the matter. The people analyzed completed a series of psychological tests through which personality characteristics and interests were determined. These people also indicated the qualities they wanted to find in the partner. After eleven days, people took part in a series of speed dating. At the end of each of the appointments they had to indicate if the person seemed adequate to start a serious relationship. It is interesting to note that the degree of attraction did not depend on the characteristics that people looked for in the other, but on the degree of similarity with themselves that they perceived. That is, we are convinced that we are looking for something in particular, but in reality we are attracted to other characteristics.
The truth is, these results shouldn't surprise us because, as with so many other things in life, sometimes we don't get what we want until we get it wrong multiple times. Therefore, the main mistake we make when choosing the person "for life" consists in not knowing exactly what we want, or because we do not know each other well or do not have enough experience in couple relationships.
Of course, it is not a question of listing a series of characteristics that the other person must absolutely have, but it is important that we know what we want and expect from a relationship, what we are willing to give in and what not.
There are no perfect people, let alone perfect people for you, but when you meet someone who meets many of your expectations and, above all, creates new hopes and interests, then it is worth growing together. Or at least to try.
