The bubble of the couple according to Stan Tatkin

The bubble of the couple according to Stan Tatkin

Stan Tatkin coined the term "couple bubble". The concept is based on principles that allow you to build trusting and healthy relationships.

The bubble of the couple according to Stan Tatkin

Last update: 31 March, 2022

Stan Tatkin is the clinical psychologist who developed the psycho-biological approach in couples therapy (PACT). For many years, his focus has been on people wishing to have a relationship and how they build relationships. His is the term "couple bubble".



What is the couple's bubble for Tatkin? We will find out in this article. We can anticipate, in general, which includes a series of agreements that the couple "agrees" implicitly and explicitly, fidelity, for example.

The rules of the bubble of the couple

To deal with the couple bubble theory, we let ourselves be guided by Tatkin's essay, Wired for Love. Let's see what are the elements that absolutely must be present inside the bubble.

The first important concept is that the couple bubble is something that needs to be worked on. A relationship begins to have problems when the members of the couple no longer meet because they are on two different levels. This means, for example, that we cannot always give and never receive. In the presence of such a dynamic, which is more frequent than we think, the bursting of the bubble is only a matter of time.

1. The "me first" doesn't work

The first principle contained in the Stan Tatkin couple bubble: letting the partner take the first step and then act accordingly is not covered. The construction of a bubble begins by giving the best of oneself and thus offering security, well-being and happiness to the other.



In this giving oneself unconditionally, but always in line with our values, we have the opportunity to see how our partner behaves. Is it breaking the bubble? Are you putting your own effort into building it?

2. Safety in the couple

Communication must be fluid if we want to understand how to give security to our partner. Here fears and lived experiences could come into play, such as to influence future relationships.

For example, if one of you has already suffered in the past from their partner's infidelity, they may need extra security, to know that this will not happen in the current couple. How to achieve this is something that needs to be agreed upon.

3. Don't break the bubble

The third principle is to avoid breaking the bubble. How you do it? Taking into account the other, making them feel important, dedicating quality time. Giving, again, the security necessary to build a relationship based on trust.

Phrases like "you don't take me into consideration", "you are always with your friends", "you are no longer what you used to be" are alarm bells. The bubble is cracking and a decision needs to be made. You can analyze what is wrong with the relationship and make changes or let the bubble break completely.

4. Protect the couple's bubble

The last rule to keep the couple bubble intact. However, as Stan Tatkin points out in his essay, this does not mean that couples have to become co-dependent. Exactly the opposite. A healthy relationship that works on a healthy bubble seeks closeness and independence at the same time. 


The couple's bubble is a space where one feels protected and safe. In which you know you can count on the other person because you give and receive. It is the priority of both and it means being there in difficult moments, working for active listening and good communication.


For Tatkin, staying in a bubble does not mean closing in and forgetting the world outside. Instead, it means building a space dedicated to protecting and growing, in which independence is present but also closeness. When this protective bubble breaks, the relationship ceases to be healthy.


And you, are you working on building your own couple bubble?

When we are linked to our partner by a strong and secure relationship, arguments do not pose a threat to our two-person society.

-Stan Tatkin-

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