The partner who belittles us is all we do, say and wish in reality hiding the shadow of narcissism. Any contempt that hurts our self-esteem is a form of abuse.
Last update: April 26, 2022
“He criticizes me in front of others. He belittles everything I do. He has to say about my worries "... How to behave with the partner who belittles?
There are those who find themselves in this situation on more than one occasion. It is generally quite difficult to realize that this is a particular psychological abuse.
These dynamics usually start with loving comments, like "Honey, look it's not for you" and also with the classic Leave it to me because it's clear you're a mess. "
Suddenly what began as an almost innocent joke becomes a constant; a constant in couple communication.
Gradually the partner will leads the way in the art of disqualification, hurting with his attitude and with his words. Better not to give our heart in these cases or share our dreams and expectations for the future. However, we are not always aware of this.
The majority show their best aspect at the beginning of the relationship, until the veils and masks fall and each reveals their true self without filters.
When the suffering of contempt becomes a constant, the psychological fabric of self-esteem and dignity wears out.
It is not advisable to give oneself if love hurts and dulls who we are.
The partner who belittles: traits, causes and strategies
The first thing we ask ourselves is how anyone can consistently tolerate disqualification. It is important, first of all, to consider two key aspects.
In a relationship, the tolerance for suffering is (in some cases) much higher. We love the other person, so we remain silent because the mind tells us that "it will certainly change".
Likewise, there is another factor: there are people who have been belittled throughout their lives. Having grown up in a family environment marked by abuse, devoid of secure attachment and defined by aggressive communication, they tolerate the aforementioned dynamics.
Emotional abuse manifests itself in infinite ways, and denigration is one of them.
How to know if the partner belittles
Contempt goes beyond the insult, which more often than not is not even used.
The partner who belittles attacks the areas that he knows hurt the most, how to criticize what you like.
- It belittles the results and what it excels at, what sets us apart.
- Do not hesitate to publicly criticize. They use sarcasm or irony even in front of friends or family.
- When we make an effort to do something, don't hesitate to look down on us.
- Always a negative opinion on every choice we make, no matter how simple (what to prepare for lunch, what movie to watch, where to go on vacation).
- It will make us question our reasoning, values ​​and needs. Underestimation is an ingredient present in almost all everyday situations.
Partner Downplaying: What Is Behind This Behavior?
The study conducted at the Cardinal Stefan Wyszyński University (Warsaw) indicates that belittle it is a common technique of the narcissistic personality.
In the narcissistic profile the habit of underestimating the partner is common in the great narcissists, or those who need to be clothed with power, admiration and superiority.
With these attacks they gain power in the relationship. Even more, weakening the other's self-esteem subdues him. It deals with, therefore, of a common control strategy in the narcissist, with which to nourish one's ego.
On the other hand, we must also consider a fact. If the partner belittles, he doesn't love as we deserve. Constant contempt is another form of psychological abuse, a behavior that we cannot tolerate.
How to act with the partner who belittles
Contradiction, sadness, anger and even disappointment ... When the partner belittles, there are countless conflicting emotions and the first reaction is to want to end the relationship.
Is it the most appropriate choice in these cases? Each situation is unique and particular, so not all strategies are equally valid. However, a number of aspects should always be taken into account.
Improve communication
There are those who make contempt a particular communicative style. You have no bad intentions, you are unaware, immature and lacking in wisdom and empathy.
They give criticism an affectionate tone, in the style of "Honey, you're a mess, what would you do without me", however, they rarely realize that these expressions hurt.
- We need to set limits to this communication style.
- We must not tolerate, but demand a change.
- Abusive communication must be transformed into empathic, respectful and understanding communication.
If this aspect is not taken care of, everything will eventually collapse. Therefore, it is necessary to take action.
Constant contempt is psychological abuse and action must be taken
We cannot normalize contempt. Allowing others to belittle us means plunging into an abyss in which to get lost in the hands of an abusive figure.
It is necessary to keep in mind that abuse does not only manifest itself in beatings, insults, jealousies and domination. Violence is also perpetrated with the word that it constantly despises.
We must act as soon as possible. If there is no change, the best choice is to walk away.
Recovering from the partner who belittles
The person who kept a relationship based on perennial criticism can show post-traumatic stress, especially if the relationship lasted several years.
They are situations of high mental wear that causes psychological vulnerability. After these experiences, it is necessary to allow yourself a time to recover, of necessary inner reconstruction.
Raising self-esteem, as well as redefining identity, values, perspectives and dreams will always be a priority. After being belittled for so long, it is mandatory to heal and recover strength, especially the psychological ones.
Taking care of health in a relationship always involves paying attention to communication. To love is above all to respect, to admire, to give the best of oneself to make the other happy.
