It is often difficult to quantify what attracts us to a person; sometimes we even fall into erroneous attribution. To better understand this phenomenon, HT Reis has identified four principles of attraction that explain the mysterious magnetism that acts between two human beings.
Last update: June 07, 2022
According to psychologist HT Reis, a lecturer at Rochester University of Psychology, the available literature and research allow us to identify the principles of attraction. There are four, namely similarity, proximity, reciprocity and stress.
The principles of attraction start specifically from couple relationships. The psychologist, however, ensures that they are applicable to any type of interpersonal relationship that does not involve blood ties.
Each of these laws sheds light on a factor that is decisive when deciding whether the person in front of us is attractive or unpleasant.. All four show that the mind of the evaluator contributes more to this work of labeling than the real characteristics of the other. Let's see them in detail.
"I suppose that having a certain interest in a person necessarily generates the obvious belief that they are beautiful."
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The principles of attraction by HT Reis
1. Principle of similarity
We tend to be attracted to those who look like us. Somehow this law seems to contradict the saying "opposites attract". In fact, we seem to like more people who have similar interests, concerns, or motives.
This principle is based on the work of Donn-Byrne, the father of the so-called law of attraction, dated 1971. According to this law, the greater the number of similar elements, the greater the attraction between two people.
Similarity is a principle of attraction for three reasons:
- People who look like us are in a prime position for validating what we think and believe we are, which is rewarding.
- The similarity confirms our interests and tastes: when we see that they are shared by other people, we infer that they are valid.
- Similarity allows us to share the same environments or situations without making sacrifices or entering into conflict. If I like to go to the theater and the other person take long walks, we will end up pursuing our interests separately; or in turn we will be forced to sacrifice ourselves and participate in activities of little interest. When the tastes are similar, however, this sacrifice does not happen and the activities in the company are more frequent and of better quality.
2. Proximity
The principle of proximity states that it is easier to establish a friendship or a couple relationship with those we feel closest, in a physical sense and not only.. Sharing the same places, real or virtual, not only facilitates opportunities for interaction, but also increases mutual sympathy.
During an experiment, a group of volunteers were shown a series of photographs depicting the faces of unknown people. The same thing was repeated a second time, with new images. In this case, however, some of the faces already presented in the first round were included. The volunteers classified the faces seen twice as “nicer”.
It must be said that if the contact is continuous or very prolonged, the attraction could become aversion. The same happens when one feels instinctive dislike and is forced to maintain proximity.
3. Principle of reciprocity
Reciprocity indicates that we tend to be attracted to those people in whom we perceive greater approval or liking. In other words, we are more sympathetic to those who show us sympathy.
Feeling accepted or approved by others generates in us a feeling of security, trust and gratification. It is a situation that gives rise to a chain reaction of positive emotions. It is therefore normal to feel attracted to the source of these emotions.
According to HT Reis, the principle of reciprocity exerts a stronger influence than the principle of similarity. We can feel very attracted to those who, although not very similar to us, show acceptance and do something for us.
4. Stress and anxiety, the most illogical of the principles of attraction
This is the apparently most paradoxical principle of attraction. Humans tend to like each other more and attract each other when they are in circumstances that generate anxiety or stress. So, if we are sailing on a sailboat and suddenly a shark appears, our neighbor will immediately seem more attractive. Or those who share a parachute jump with us will be more sympathetic to us.
This also explains why in situations where we feel fear or threat, we tend to seek social contact to a greater extent. The company of others provides us with security and trust, creating a bond that we wish to be positive.
These four principles speak to us of attraction, not really love or affection. That is, they are factors that intervene in the initial harmony, but which do not subsequently determine the quality or intensity of a relationship.
