Families that feed a member's addiction promote behaviors and dynamics intended to hide or deny the problem. These are dysfunctional and often deeply unhappy families.
Last update: 06 September, 2022
Professor Marcus Caldas, from the University of Deusto (Spain), argues that secrecy and denial in the family context fuel addiction. But why let's talk about the role of the family in addictions and not the individual who developed the addiction?
It is often the environment in which we are immersed that, consciously or unconsciously, favors the onset and maintenance of an addiction. Caldas describes the family as a system, in which the action or inaction of each party affects the others.
Similarly, the role of the family in addictions is crucial because the overall structure affects the individual members. Often these families lie and deny to hide situations of alcoholism or drug addiction. This approach often ends up causing the opposite effect, which is to reinforce the addiction.
"The addicted person's family is heavily involved, as this reality causes conflicts and emotions that are difficult to manage."
-Adela Shwatz-
The role of the family in addictions
Families that reinforce a member's dependence exhibit specific patterns of behavior. Generally, they consider "normal" attitudes that are not at all or, while recognizing the situation, they prefer to ignore it.
Some traits can frequently be found in families that fuel addiction; among these we find:
- Impulsiveness and lack of control. They often act motivated by the emotion of the moment, usually anger. Minimal stimuli can cause disproportionate reactions.
- There is no limit to desire. Members of these families pretend to do whatever they want at all costs. They see the limits as negative, consequently they cannot even set them to others.
- Need for instant gratification. There is typically a low tolerance for frustration which manifests itself in the enormous difficulty in postponing rewards. They want to get what they want right away.
- Behaviors characterized by lability. Families that feed addiction often have great difficulties in carrying out plans and projects. They tend to abandon programs, loves, friends, etc.
- Continued dissatisfaction. They are not easy individuals to please. Once they get something, they lose interest in it.
- They don't tolerate losing. Loss of any kind turns into a catastrophe of immense proportions. They even go so far as to force situations rather than accepting that they have lost something.
The role of families in addictions: secret and denial
Two resources used by families that fuel addiction are secrecy and denial, in different areas of life. It is quite common, for example, that the addiction of one of the parents becomes a taboo subject. Nobody should discuss it or mention it. It just "happens" and that's it.
It is also common for family members to hide certain behaviors, such as a clandestine relationship, or develop behaviors that others do not suspect. Likewise, there are secret desires such as destroying the family, escaping, or hiding sexually violent behavior.
The secrets become so secret that they turn into a real denial. It's like lying to yourself by taking the fake for real. The simulated behavior becomes a habit and we come to "normalize" behaviors that are not such.
The psychological chaos
Such a picture generates chaos on an emotional, mental and behavioral level. The most delicate situations are silenced, while the most insignificant ones are shouted loudly. Despair and despair often turn into an inordinate desire for control. All that is genuine becomes a source of shame and lie.
It is common for secrets and denial to revolve around the person who is most overtly addicted. A logic is triggered by which the person does not really perform the actions committed or the consequences of his actions are not considered serious. Logics of other types are excluded. If there are children in the family, the repercussions of this dynamic on their emotional universe are denied.
Addictions are complex phenomena, which are not limited to the consumption of a substance or the compulsive repetition of a behavior. The role of the family in addictions concerns the lifestyle and behavioral patterns promoted. If you maintain a context of secrecy and denial, you are doomed to sink deeper and deeper into the problem.
