What to do when the vase has broken, when the partner has gone away? It is one of the questions that I hear constantly from those who follow me. The end of a relationship causes pain, the woman experiences the impact of the separation as if it were the death of a loved one and the man believes that everything is over, that the world has fallen on him and that he will have no further opportunities. to meet the great love. Evidently when it comes to love, both in literature and in cinema or in real life, the most complex and delicate chapter is always separation. There are also people who argue that we will never really know our partner until we separate… When a relationship ends, most people feel like a big emptiness and experience the situation as a failure. Many are simply too lazy to have to start all over again. Here are some ideas that people who have suffered from a separation and seek help usually confide in me.
"Time passes but the pain does not go away". Many people wish to forget their life partner in a few months, but it is simply impossible. Someone goes crazy and assumes what is called "divorce syndrome", which is not exclusive to women and includes the attempt to face life from a totally different perspective from the one they had before, the person throws himself into new adventures according to the old saying: "nail drives nail". To be honest I must say that this technique works for very few, when the free ride ends the pain seems to worsen and the lack of being loved feels even stronger. So what to do? We must accept the pain, live it and not try to replace lost love with an adventure. Little by little we will be able to completely free ourselves from the feeling of loss and thus resume, if we wish, the search for a person to whom we can give our love without reserve and without the ghosts of the past.
"I don't deserve what's happening to me." The position of the abandoned victim will not resolve the inner conflict. When a relationship ends, both parties bear responsibility for it. The most useful thing is to analyze what our mistakes have been to try not to commit them in the future.
"I can't accept it." It is perfectly understandable that it costs us a lot to accept a reality that is in many ways harsh, which we would not have desired, but the later we accept the change the more time we will lose before we get rid of the pain and open ourselves totally to a new love. Assuming attitudes such as: “nothing happened” or living in the illusion of possible reconciliation in a future that will never happen is a form of psychological self-torture; although denial, anger, hatred and depression are fairly common responses in the first phase of the breakup.
"The fault is all mine." Although some people probably have a greater responsibility than others in the end of the relationship, it is certain that continuing to think self-denigrating thoughts will not solve the problem but will even close us in a circle leading us to immobility. If most of the fault is ours and the problem can still be solved with a good dose of self-reflection to not make the same mistakes again and another dose of humility to recognize our mistakes in front of the loved one. If the relationship is definitively terminated, we only have to gain experience from the mistakes made to face the new relationships from a more mature point of view.
“I will never meet a person like him / her again”. This is probably the case, there are no two identical people in the world, we all have different virtues and defects but this does not mean that we will not meet another person, different, but that we will come to love with the same intensity, perhaps also precisely because they are different. In summary, a breakup implies moments of tension, anguish, depression, nostalgia but it can always be overcome as long as it is experienced as one more change that we have to face in life and from which we must come out strengthened and with greater emotional maturity to face future relationships. . It's difficult? Yes, but not impossible.
