True love doesn't hurt. Loving with maturity, intelligence and balance requires putting aside addictions and fears. All of this will help create happy and fulfilling bonds.
Last update: 24 March, 2022
"He always works and does not pay me attention", "He never gives me gifts", "If he does not want to always be by my side, it means that he does not love me" ... Behind these common complaints, a complex reality can be hidden which, in the long run, it will cause clear unhappiness in the relationship. Is it true love or addiction?
Instead of enriching, offering momentum, growth and satisfaction, such a relationship focuses on lack, on the need to receive continuous demonstrations of affection. All this often leads to unhealthy pressure in which blackmail, fears and apprehensions appear.
The person prey to emotional dependence has low self-esteem. You attribute so little value that you give up your life, your values ​​and your dreams. How to tell if the relationship is based on true love or emotional dependence?
"Giving power to someone or something to dominate you and take control of your mind is a form of psychological suicide."
-Walter Rice-
What is emotional dependence and why does it occur?
Emotional addiction is addiction to another person. It is not always about the partner, but it is undoubtedly the most typical case. We can compare it to addiction to alcohol or other drugs.
It should be noted that this dynamic occurs in both sexes; although it is thought to be more common among the female gender, we are faced with a reality that is as common as it is recurrent in both men and women.
The study conducted by the University of Canterbury by psychologist Bruce J. Elliss highlights very interesting data in this regard.
Low self-esteem
People with emotional dependence harbor thoughts of inferiority and low self-esteem within themselves.
- These are profiles that require constant confirmation.
- They tend to idealize the other person.
- They are afraid of loneliness and abandonment. They lack adequate personal fulfillment, emotional maturity, and autonomy.
- Difficulty making decisions.
These thoughts mean that the moment someone notices them, they feel so precious and important that they cannot "miss the opportunity".
Although they may not be attracted to the other person at first, they end up giving up because they become visible to the world. They can't tell if their relationship is based on true love or emotional dependence.
Obviously they did not choose their partner because they have common interests or because they feel in tune, but because of the need to be loved and the terrible fear of being rejected or feeling alone.
It is not true love, it is suffering
Relationships built on emotional dependence aren't fueled by true love. Gradually the addicted person puts aside plans, dreams and goals. He also distances himself from family and friends. She remains isolated and even distances herself from herself.
Emotional addiction and suffering
When you disrespect yourself like this, it is normal to experience anxiety and even depression. You are not happy and you do not love your partner.
The fear of abandonment is stronger than the desire to be yourself. It would be too risky. In addition to this, the addicted person feels the need to exercise control over his partner, to know where he is at all times, who he is with and what he does.
There is a clear lack of confidence that comes from the idea that "I am so inferior and worth so little, that it could betray me". As a result, numerous discussions arise.
Dynamics will occur that will oscillate between distance and reconciliation, emotional ups and downs for which the dependent person will be increasingly weaker from a psychological point of view.
The need to build mature and conscious relationships based on true love
Emotional addiction is not a limitless love that can and justifies everything, but rather favors a relationship devoid of trust, respect, freedom and authenticity.
Experts recommend very useful formulas for dealing with these situations. The purpose couldn't be clearer: establish more balanced, mature, aware relationships.
Increasing your self-esteem by being clear about who we are and acting accordingly is the first big step. We must also learn to be alone, putting aside the need for approval and the fear of rejection. All of this will help build true love.
