When you give everything and get nothing in return, you feel drained and emotionally exhausted. These are the main effects of the one-sided love relationships that we sometimes encounter.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2022
A one-sided relationship contradicts every principle of what we call an emotional bond. It is the end of reciprocity and the breaking of that perfect balance that forms the substratum of a relationship. Everything collapses without common commitment and without that spontaneous and authentic will to take care, with mutual respect and affection, of the details of daily life.
The most complex aspect of this situation is that it takes a long time to notice it. The distance of the partner is established gradually and is camouflaged by routine, work stress and external obligations to the couple that take away time from the relationship. Until we realize that there is no more equity and the presence of the partner in the couple is almost nil.
Even if physically next to us, we feel it cold, distant. It is this absence of affection and will that characterizes a one-sided relationship. A scenario is created in which only one member of the couple makes an effort to keep the emotional bond alive. These dynamics are often referred to as sick or toxic relationships. Let's see why.
What is a one-sided relationship?
We can define the unilateral relationship in a simple way: it is the one in which only one member of the couple invests energy, will and time in the relationship. The reality, however, is much more complex, because the causes are multiple.
Sometimes relationships have these dynamics from the beginning, other times this change occurs gradually. In both cases, there is a common aspect: a one-sided relationship is unhealthy and creates harmful dynamics for those who suffer, for those who try to change the relationship and feed it at all costs by fighting for it.
This explains why we consider these reports to be toxic. The emotional and psychological overload one partner faces to keep the relationship alive is often devastating. Let's see how to understand if we are living in a one-sided relationship.
It is always you who end up giving in
Dr. John Gottman is one of the greatest experts on emotional relationships and common dynamics between couples. His ten-year studies and his research in the so-called "laboratory of love" have helped hundreds of people to save their relationships and move on.
One of his most famous books is The 7 golden rules for a happy life as a couple, in which he stresses the constant need to reach agreements. If this does not happen and only one always gives up, accepts and keeps silent, gives priority to the other to save the relationship, the inevitable will happen: the relationship will end.
If the balance always ends on the same side and the same person always wins, the other will experience a sort of emotional suffocation that will compromise his self-esteem, his dignity and even his health. These are very common situations in a one-sided relationship.
You have a hard time expressing your feelings and needs
One of the characteristics of one-sided relationships is the feeling of emptiness. Something is always missing, it's like being thirsty, drinking and never feeling thirsty. You can have your partner next to you, talk to him / her, live by your side every day, yet there is always something wrong.
It is possible that a person needs more than what their partner has to offer. The one-sided relationship, however, is more dynamic, you feel a kind of emotional block. It's like wanting to express your feelings, thoughts and needs and always find a wall.
Often we hear phrases like: "Now is not a good time to talk.", "You always say the same things.", "I don't know what you expect me to say". They are the most common reactions to one's need to communicate emotions and thoughts. But when your partner needs support and affection, don't hesitate a second to meet her needs.
Your efforts are taken for granted (but not the same for the partner)
If you have to do something and you do it, that's normal, that's what your partner expects. If you need to solve a problem, it's always up to you to find the solution. In this scenario, there is a passive part and a proactive part that must strive to tackle any daily task.
Furthermore, those who act must not protest or complain, because basically it is what is expected of him / her and it is always the way things have been. We must be clear about one thing: the moment this situation is taken for granted and it is not recognized that the actions must be reciprocal, the relationship falls ill. If it is assumed that it must always be a person to take charge of everything, the bond is strongly compromised.
One-sided relationship: exhaustion, contradictions and signs we don't want to see
Such a bond has many signs that we don't always want to see. The reason this happens is simple: so much effort, time and energy are invested that one is inclined not to give up on the relationship. Typically, you continue to give love, dedication, patience, and opportunity to your partner while waiting for something to change.
Unfortunately, however, nothing changes and the person is exhausted mentally and physically. It is affected in all senses, from a psychological, physical and economic point of view. We must not forget that some unilateral relations are based on selfishness and economic interests.
There is no doubt, each couple is a story in itself, but there is a fundamental principle that should never fail: love is balance, reciprocity, knowing how to work as a team, taking care of each other and joining efforts, giving and receiving attention, actively participating in the relationship. If these conditions are not present, being together makes no sense. Keep this in mind.
