The values in a relationship are embodied by the members of the same. In this regard, we can say that when the two look alike, the common project is more likely to continue.
Last update: February 18, 2022
Assuming that there are no absolutely equal partners, it is very important to share the same values in a couple relationship; we will also see how these flow between the two in a healthy and non-toxic way. Establishing values at the basis of the relationship is crucial for the relationship to work.
What is a couple? The term "couple" can refer to a set of two people linked by a more or less formal affectionate relationship: engagement, marriage or de facto couple. What are we referring to when we talk about values? Values indicate those qualities or virtues that define a person, an action or an object, considered positive or of great importance by a social group.
In other words, values would be those qualities that stand out in everyone and that push them to act in one way or another, since they are part of their beliefs. Moreover, they express the interests of a person and condition her behavior.
Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your behaviors, your behaviors become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.
-Mahatma Gandhi-
Values in a relationship
In the study conducted by Medina et al. (2005) and focusing on the semantic dimension of intimacy, it is observed that both men and women are looking for a partner who expresses needs similar to their own, with whom to feel compatible, with whom to have characteristics in common, similar, with whom one can identify, who has tastes similar to one's own.
From the point of view of the instrumental theory of partner selection, what has just been said is due to the fact that human beings are looking for someone who has similar values to their own (Centers, 1975). In this way, we align ourselves with homologous companions, that is, those who have social, economic and cultural characteristics similar to their own (Rice, 1997).
Relate to someone who shares your values and together you will conquer the world.
-John Ratzenberger-
And if we row together, in the same direction ...
Rowing together, in the same direction, defining the values in a relationship is crucial to make the relationship go as it should, or to make it better.
The behaviors and expectations of each individual - in this case with reference to the couple's relationship - respond to the convictions and social values transmitted through the socialization process to which they have been subjected (Kaminsky, 1981).
The socialization process is transformative over time, as it modifies social values and norms, so it is foreseeable that also people's beliefs and behaviors change accordingly (Diaz-Guerrero, 2003). In this way, expectations, behaviors and values in a couple relationship change (García-Meráz, 2007), outlining new parameters, which are conditioned and respond to the social situation in which the couple finds themselves (Snyder and Stukas, 1999).
We need to work on some important values in a couple relationship
Establishing the values underlying the relationship is a goal that requires joint work. As we have said from the beginning, each couple is unique and, therefore, so are the values that adapt to it.
Still, we can talk about some basic values common to most couples. We are talking about values such as love, fidelity, mutual support, generosity, mutual respect and communication. We describe them below.
Love
There are many types of love, but all of them are based on the same thread. Telling someone "I love you" is not the same as saying "I want you".
These sequences, close yet distant, bring together a series of phenomena ranging from falling in love to solid love, leading to coexistence. It presupposes the surprise given by discovery of another person and progressive falling in love to arrive at a stable, lasting and winning formula.
Fidelity
Loyalty depends on the type of agreement previously established. Each couple, in fact, reaches a kind of compromise. There are absolutely monogamous couples, and others not. The question is clear: if the pacts are respected there is fidelity. If not, betrayal sets in.
Support
Being able to count on the other person, on the fact that he will not betray us and that he will defend our positions it is a feeling that makes us feel more courageous, less vulnerable.
This is a plus for dealing with difficulties. It is about being empathetic with your partner, trying to understand him deeper and better, expressing unconditional approval and support.
Love establishes the basis of all human values.
-Milan Hollister-
Generosity, one of the values in a couple relationship
It may seem strange, but sometimes in a couple selfishness prevails over generosity. There are those who do not come naturally to be generous with their partner, managing only to ask for or to think about themselves ("I need", "I want", "I would like"), which generates negative feelings.
Being in a relationship, however, is so much more. The best way to be generous in a couple is not to think only of yourself, it is to put yourself in the shoes of the other, trying to understand his point of view, even if sometimes we do not share it.
Respect:
Building a relationship based on mutual respect is a fundamental value. On this point, the members of the couple must be on the same wavelength.
It is about offering space within a relationship, both individually and for the couple. We speak of respect even when we accept the other person in their totality, without trying to change them.
Communication
The ideal would be implement assertive and smooth communication, which builds trust. The so-called assertive communication is defined by Satir (1988) as the ability to express oneself in a direct, honest and respectful way.
In any case, opening channels of communication within the couple would mean that both members have made a commitment to share everything that is part of a bond, i.e. differences, successes, common goals, needs, etc. develop the predisposition to do so. Good communication is reflected in healthy bonds, mutual respect, feeling, affection and complicity.
