Confused pain often does not allow you to accept reality and moving forward becomes impossible. While the ideal is to receive an explanation from the terminator, this is not always the case.
Last update: April 03, 2022
Many breakups happen without an explanation from the partner. It is possible that the breaker does not want to hurt the other person or is simply afraid of their reaction. This leaves room for doubts as to why we do he constantly asks “why did he leave me?”, often causing the so-called confused pain.
Relationships between couples are generally not symmetrical. It is common to have different feelings and to take different paths over time, which is why it can happen that one of the two wants to end the relationship, but the other does not. A similar situation is painful in both of them, but it is more intense in those who see her desires shattered.
To such pain many times a further difficulty is added: those who leave do not know or do not want to say why they do it. This can make it more complicated for the person left to deal with the situation, because the sadness of the loss is compounded by an unanswered question: "Why did you leave me?". This causes confused pain.
"Only people capable of loving intensely can feel great pain, but this very need to love serves to counteract their pains and heal them."
-Leo Tolstoy-
We rarely notice that the end is coming
Very often the left person is taken by surprise. He does not notice that the relationship is about to end because the communication with the partner has deteriorated and the relative signals are not perceived.
Sometimes, however, the partner ndeliberately hides its intentions until he feels the time has come. This happens very frequently in the case of infidelity.
Likewise, there are cases in which the person who does not make the decision is dependent or too controlling the partner who is more inclined to escape than to confrontation. Fear of the reactions his decision might elicit leads him to hide his intentions until they become a fact.
The cases shown are united by the fact that the members of the couple want different things and those who do not want to end the relationship have not been given time to prepare. Because of this, he will experience a confused pain, that is he will be assailed by numerous doubts for which he will not be able to accept the reality of the facts.
The confused pain
Confused pain is accompanied by disbelief. From the beginning it is characterized by a "I can not believe it". It is an attitude of denial of the facts, which at the same time unequivocally protects against suffering.
Gradually the questions become the main feature. Many times the "why did he leave me?" becomes obsessive. Many become spies on their exes in an attempt to get an answer.
Often, therefore, we become insistent and continue to look for the ex to answer that question that does not allow you to go on with your life.
Why did he leave me?
Most of the time this question is completely unnecessary. If the ex hasn't given an explanation in due course, he probably never will. Perhaps he is ashamed of his selfishness and his betrayals; maybe he feels vulnerable and doesn't want to take any blame.
It is also possible that there is no particular reason or, if it exists, it is unlikely to be accepted, for example: "I am tired". So questioning your ex a few times helps resolve a confused grief. Why have they abandoned us? The most frequent reasons are these:
- Another person. The most common reason for ending a relationship is to fall in love with another person. Most likely it is denied, but it is so.
- Girl. The relationship becomes habitual and one of the two no longer tolerates it. The partner is rarely admitted that his company no longer generates any motivation.
- Emotional exhaustion. Arguing too much or having to continually build bridges to shorten too large differences can be exhausting. There may be love, but fatigue is stronger.
- Strong crises. The death of a loved one, failure or any existential crisis sometimes arouses the desire to turn the page and start from scratch.
- Existential changes. Due to a personal change, a new religion or a new interest, the relationship may no longer make sense in the new context.
- Disillusionment. It happens when the initial projects do not come true, when faith in a future together fades because too many disappointments have accumulated along the way.
Suffering is always accompanied by questions that remain unsolved. In case of confused pain, perhaps it would be more appropriate to look inside ourselves, because only there will we be able to find more useful answers than those that can give us those who have left us.
