Last update: 17 September, 2015
Have you ever wondered if you are in love for real? Did love fade away in a few days or months? You thought you were in love, but then did you realize that you simply "need" to love someone else and be in a relationship?
If the answer to at least one of these questions is yes, you may be part of that group of people who suffer from emotional dependence.
This may be the case for both women and men, although this type of behavior is more common among women. However, this does not mean that it depends on the female or male sex, but on the sex hormones.
Here 12 questions to understand if you are actually emotionally dependent or not:
- Are you trying to shape the person you think you are in love with as you please?
- Have you realized in other past relationships that you tend to idealize your partner?
- Do you think of this person as you wanted him to be and not as he really is?
- Do you focus primarily on how your partner treats you, instead of focusing on how he is actually inside?
- Are you too surprised at how special this person makes you feel?
- Do you hold your partner responsible for your happiness, sadness and safety?
- Do you experience a feeling of anxiety or panic when you are not with your partner or when he does not call you when he should?
- Do you have a list of expectations your partner needs to live up to in order to feel loved and safe?
- Do you feel like you can't live without this person?
- Do you feel lonely and empty inside, unless your partner is with you, filling you with the attention and approval you don't give to yourself?
- Are you jealous and possessive with your partner?
- Do you try to control your partner to do what you want them to do?
These questions aren't as professionally valid as a psychological test, but they can be useful in helping you get to know yourself a little better in the area of ​​emotional addiction.
Emotional addiction it is an important problem, as it can be the source of great suffering. Furthermore, we can say that it is born from the love that comes from fear and this is not love, it is necessity.
It is also important to be aware of the emotional dependence, because it comes from the inner emptiness that we ourselves create when we abandon ourselves. When this situation arises, then the partner is expected to fill that void and make us feel loved and safe.
All that work that we have not done, but which is ours responsibility.
Why do we develop emotional dependence?
After starting to consider our partner as responsible for our happiness, security and personal esteem, we begin to develop the need for control over this person, to make him love us in a fictitious way. This peculiar strategy coincides exactly with what we want.
The saddest thing about this part of the process is not realizing that we are creating "something" artificial, something far removed from thelove pure and unconditional.
What does it mean to be in love?
The pure love that we all have the right to experience, enjoy and savor in this life is unconditional love, without conditions or "but", and whose purpose is not a personal benefit. One of the foundations of this love is never having to ask to be loved, which means never controlling or pretending to dominate the other in the couple.
Love is based on and comes from always and unconditionally respecting the "double" to give and share, without ever trying to get something. When you love someone, their essential and personal qualities are valued in an intense and profound way, those characteristics that do not fade with time and that make the loved one unique and irreplaceable.
When in love, one does not rely on more superficial qualities such as physical appearance, wealth or power, but on those deeper than the heart and soul.
The problem for many is the constant and sometimes exaggerated search for love and the need to be part of a relationship. This behavior, however, is harmful to the person himself, because it results in a closed heart dominated by the need for control, which distances true love.
How then do you open up to true love?
You can open your heart by striving to love always and by focusing on learning to love yourself and, consequently, your partner as well.
Here are some ideas:
- Be affectionate with yourself and with your surroundings it will allow you to experience love in a more respectful way towards yourself and the person you love.
- If we don't love ourselves, our essence cannot see or love someone else's essence.
- Having low self-esteem can make us emotionally dependent in the constant desire to receive love.
- Loving yourself will make you less fragile and help you better interpret your partner's needs and requests.
Perhaps, we can sum it all up as "giving ourselves the attention and approval that we, as human beings, need to feel complete and to grow within our lives". One of the main keys to falling in love and staying in love is learn to love yourself first.
