Last update: February 25, 2015
Some time ago I was with my psychologist and I was talking to her about difficulty finding my place in the world: I had the feeling of not making it and I felt tired of staying still while everything around me was constantly moving. His words on that occasion really opened up a world to me: “Live as if you were acting in a movie“, he told me.
At first this statement surprised me, because I had always felt that I was a person who acted consistently, doing things right. However, I have decided to go deeper into the matter and start an introspective analysis.
Live acting
In this way, I realized that there are people with whom I relate without wanting to; that I put a lot of effort into hanging out with people who I thought mattered, while in reality I was a slave to the system and to a social circle that forced me to surround myself with conversations that didn't really interest me and people who had a vision too distant from mine. Family members whom I treat in a special way just to maintain a certain appearance.
Who hasn't happened to realize that he couldn't stand a friend, a cousin or a brother-in-law anymore? Who hasn't run away from their mother-in-law's house? Have you ever seen a movie or a game that only someone else liked, just to please them? Going to an unbearable colleague's birthday party? Sometimes it even happens to no longer love the partner, but to continue the relationship by becoming slaves of habit, for fear of the judgment of others or of loneliness. And so, let's act. We begin to lose our spontaneity and authenticity, and so we deny ourselves many moments of true happiness. We do not take advantage of the free time we have, outside of our commitments and, in the meantime, life passes by.
Get lost and find yourself
When I realized what was happening, I started doing what I really liked and throwing myself into experiences I had never experienced before.. Going out with my friends and sisters, visiting my grandmother, going for a run, wearing no makeup all weekend, uncorking a bottle of wine in my room, putting on my favorite playlist and just relaxing. Certainly all of this affected my mood and even my skin was fresher, more relaxed. Some people said to me: "You look great, what have you done?". Many others, however, commented: "You're out of your mind!". And that was exactly what had happened to me: I was out of my head, though find myself. I was able to analyze the context, to understand the reason for my actions.
Before, I didn't spend enough time on myself, and I let responsibilities confuse me, and this had negative repercussions on both my physical and emotional health. I was suffering from stress, exhaustion and the worst of tiredness ... The mental one. Until I realized I only had two options: love me, or NOT to be. Within a few days, I took some time to make decisions. I started with the smaller ones, leaving the more complex ones for another moment. If I didn't like something, I would delete it from my life. And the same was true for my work: if I didn't agree with something, I said it openly. My assertiveness surprised me, because it was enough to start being more decisive for people to respect me more and take my needs into consideration.
So I began to take control of my body and mind, and through this path I also faced the interminable struggle that I had always fought against my flaws.. I made peace with them because I realized that many would never leave, and now we live much better together. I healed my wounds with love… self. I started to be less perfect, but happier. I stopped lulling myself into the routine and my comfort zone, or the beliefs they had instilled in me. Sure, comfort was my worst enemy, but I managed to figure that out to understand the hearts of others, one must first understand one's own.
