Last update: July 30, 2016
There is a lot of talk about the benefits of having friends and, above all, of positive effects friendship has on people. And that's right. However, sometimes some misconceptions or some myths can make us hope from friendship and friends more than we should actually ask for. We can also think that the concept of friendship is universal and that by the simple fact of coinciding with someone it is possible to establish a solid and lasting friendship relationship.
Many myths revolve around the concept of friendship and are fueled by words, not always based on concrete and / or partial experiences, which increase their value and which make expectations about it ever higher.
These friendship myths can also cause anxiety or stress in people who cannot find friends who live up to those expectations.
Myths about friendship
# 1 - Friends will make you happy
No one gives happiness, if not your own inner state that allows you to find happiness in any relationship, even friendship. However, even if this were true, it would not be correct, since a friend cannot feel responsible for another's happiness or sadness. Not all moments we spend with our friends are cheerful, but that doesn't mean being surrounded by bad people.
Friends help make you happier, but they're not the only ones responsible. On the other hand, having no friends does not imply being unhappy.
# 2 - It's best to have as many friends as possible
The quality of friendship has nothing to do with quantity. Managing the relationship with a large number of people also weakens the individual relationship with each of them. Can a great confusion arises that does not allow to distinguish between friends and acquaintances.
On the other hand, friends do not collect nor are they a means of being more popular in the neighborhood or anywhere else.
# 3 - Friends are forever
That would be great, but the reality is that friends can come and go in our lives. You can make up for a friendship that's lost due to distance or the passage of time, but when you stop fueling the relationship, it's not the same anymore, because people change.
Furthermore, friendships can end for several reasons. In any case, the memory is not friendship itself and we cannot expect a lost or abandoned friendship to resurrect by itself. You have to be patient.
# 4 - You must have a best friend
It is very childish. Best friends are hard to find. People who have one are very lucky, but it is not a prerequisite for enjoying friendship and being happy. It is possible to have several good friends who satisfy more than a single best friend.
# 5 - Men value friendship less than women
It is one of many myths about gender differences. Just because men manage their relationships in general, and friendships in particular, differently doesn't mean they don't value friendship.
# 6 - Friends share everything
Friendships need time to grow. People need time to get to know each other. There are things that remain linked to the private sphere and that do not necessarily have to be shared.
Everyone has the right to keep what they see fit without feeling guilty. Even if a friend shares much of their life with us, that doesn't mean we have to do the same. This will not detract from the friendship.
# 7 - Men and women can't be friends
If you have had intimate relationships with someone, it is difficult to remain friends. The most likely thing is that the new relationship will not be successful. Friendship can be difficult when there is a romantic past or when you are interested in the other person. However, it is possible, even if it takes time and you shouldn't be fooled.
In any case, the fact of being a man does not mean that you are interested in all women and vice versa or that you cannot have points in common with people of the opposite sex with the need for a sexual interest to arise.
# 8 - A good friend will never let you down
People are not perfect and, however much friendship there may be, there may be reasons that lead to act in a certain way, with the risk of disappointing others.
On the other hand, people often act on instinct, without thinking about the consequences or with other priorities. Also, not all people have the same concept of friendship, so they won't understand disrespect in the same way.
In any case, even if a friend may disappoint at times, it is his intention that matters. "Toxic friends" want to hurt, true friends don't.
# 9 - Friendship naturally arises between people
Many people mistakenly believe that friendships arise naturally over the course of life. This can happen in childhood with classmates or during extra-curricular activities. However, the number of childhood friends decreases as you grow up.
Either way, adults need to make an effort to meet new people and make a connection. Furthermore, the search for new friends must go hand in hand with the others already existing.
# 10 - Having lots of friends avoids loneliness
Loneliness occurs in many situations and can also affect people who have many friends. It is not the number of people around that helps to avoid loneliness, but the fact that some of them know how lonely it feels and are willing to help.
One person can make you feel less alone. Again, quality is worth more than quantity when it comes to friendship.
# 11 - You don't have to work hard to have good friends
If the friendship is not nurtured, it gradually weakens or disappears. You have to keep it alive, even if from time to time. This doesn't mean going out and having fun every night and doing everything together. Calling, caring for each other, and remembering small details, such as birthdays, allow the friendship to grow.
# 12 - Maintaining childhood friendships means being a good friend
Some people pride themselves on having the same friends from an early age, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're good friends or that these people are better friends than others. It also doesn't mean that friendship is better because it has lasted for many years.
# 13 - People who don't have friends have some problems
People who have a hard time making new friends feel really sad about this myth that questions their ability to socialize and communicate. It is completely false.
Many people have times when they have fewer friends or none at all. It can be due to a relocation, a moment of stress or depression, a big change in life or having suffered from a toxic relationship that made you lose faith in others, etc. This does not mean that you cannot have friendships again later on, nor that this person has any problems or is bad.
# 14 - Having a lot of Facebook contacts means having a lot of friends
The word friends has ceased to have any meaning since it is used on Facebook. Those on Facebook are contacts and many times they just serve to tell the world how popular you are.
Not even having met old friends and acquaintances of the past implies the recovery of the relationship with them. If you use Facebook, you are also likely to have been disappointed more than once. Many people have stopped using this social network for this very reason.
