Last update: December 27, 2014
Eliminate emotional dependence it is possible, just make the decision to change to be able to obtain a better quality of life. People who suffer from excessive attachment do not enjoy relationships with serenity, they get too attached and lose their individuality. It is mainly women who suffer from this problem, although there are some men who suffer from it equally, with the disadvantage that they usually feel more ashamed of seeking psychological help. They feel that their "manhood" is questioned, while in reality this does not make any sense: low self-esteem can cause this problem regardless of the person's gender.
1. Recognize that there is a problem
Analyze.
I addiction problems they do not exist only in couple relationships, but they can also occur among friends, co-workers, family members and acquaintances. Below we indicate a list of situations that can make you understand if you suffer from this problem. A person with a diseased attachment usually exhibits the following characteristics:
- Your happiness revolves around one person, you cannot feel happy if you are not with those you love or appreciate;
- Your good mood depends on how others treat you and what they think of you. If you feel accepted, everything is fine, but as soon as you have the doubt that someone dislikes you or that someone talks badly about you, your cheerfulness fades. Whether you feel good or bad depends excessively on others.
- Avoid giving contrary opinions in any way because you shy away from confrontation, you are afraid of disturbing or being rejected.
- Put the wishes of others before your own, you feel like you have no decision-making skills, your life is being guided by others.
- You only feel good about yourself if you feel loved; if you have no one to love you feel empty, worthless. We all like to have someone special in our life, what differentiates a non-dependent person is that when she is alone she can have moments of sadness, but this does not cause a block that does not allow her to enjoy other aspects of her life. An addicted person, on the other hand, cannot be alone: ​​he gets depressed, his self-esteem collapses and he is unable to enjoy life.
- Guilt often accompanies you, feel that you are responsible for the happiness of others, both your partner and family members, friends, etc. You feel obligated to please others, and if you don't, you feel guilty.
- Fear also often invades you: fear of losing the people you love or appreciate. This fear prevents you from enjoying relationships as you should.
- You are easy victims of emotional blackmail, because you would not tolerate that someone was hurting because of you; sacrifice your happiness for others.
- You prefer to suffer rather than leave the person you are connected to, you do not have the strength to break the bridges because you do not feel capable of moving forward without the person you love.
- You need each other or your life would make no sense, you need me to show you that you are as important to him / her as others are to you. If he doesn't, you think he doesn't love you and you get angry.
- You want to have control over your partner's life, to be sure not to lose it. You turn into a kind of spy to even monitor conversations he has with other people. You are obsessed, you stop living your life to follow him, to make sure there are no clues that he no longer cares. If you believe there is a risk that it will leave you, you can stop being yourself and do things you don't like to please him.
- This person is at the center of your life, so much so that other friendships lose their importance for you. There is a tendency towards social isolation, you just want to be with that person as many hours a day as possible.
- The relationship generates you anxiety, you are never happy because you want more, and above all you are afraid of being left behind. It would be a catastrophe, because you cannot imagine your life without him / her.
2. List of things you have done out of love or affection even if they hurt you
Once you recognized that you have a problem and when you are convinced that you want to eliminate this emotional dependence from your life, make a list of the things you have come to do for someone even if they were negative for you. You must be aware of the fact that a dependent person does not pay attention to her personal well-being, she prefers to please the other in order not to lose it. If you really want to change, the first thing to do is think about yourself: your well-being must be the most important thing in your life.
What was wrong with the other person? And what did you do for him / her, even if she hurt you? Examples: Have you left behind friends, left behind by family members, activities, hobbies, studies, personal development, etc.? Did he treat you with the respect you deserved? Did you do the wrong things to not lose it? How did you feel emotionally? Do you feel that you have had to beg for love or affection persistently? Besides this person, have you had other aspects of your life that have made you happy? Hobbies, friendships, etc.? Have you had to endure a lot of bad things in order not to lose it? Is important that be aware of the suffering you have had to live with because of your addiction. Think of all the negative things this relationship brought to you, in this way you will strengthen your desire to change and to eliminate emotional addiction.
3. Reinforce your self-esteem
The root cause of any addiction is low self-esteem. There are many ways to strengthen it, from going to a professional psychologist to bibliotherapy. In any library you will find very interesting books on self-esteem. Pretend you are studying for an exam and find out as much as possible about how you can strengthen self-esteem by reading the books that seem most interesting to you. From each of them you will learn new and instructive lessons.
4. Learn to be alone
Life is more beautiful when there is love, but it will come in a healthy way when you feel good about yourself. You cannot be in a relationship unless you have matured as a person first. When a person loves himself and no longer needs others, it means that he is truly ready to love in a healthy way. Everyone would like to have the ideal partner, someone who loves us, etc. But one thing is "needing" and another very different thing is "wanting". It doesn't work when you need it, because if you don't love yourself, you can't even love someone else in a mature and healthy way. You must learn to enjoy life even without a relationship. There are a million beautiful things to do. Develop your skills, work for your future, dedicate time to your hobbies, make friends with good people, travel, look around to enjoy the little things and most of all take care of yourself e love each other as you deserve.
