Last update: 18 November 2015
We human beings are "social animals" and we need others, this is indisputable, but how much do we need them? Where is the line that separates a healthy bond from a romantic addiction?
Contact with others is essential to develop. Children need someone to take care of them and provide them not only with the necessary nourishment, but also with human warmth and affection. When we grow up, to live a full life, we need a social environment: family, friends, partners ...
However, there is a difference between a general need for social contact and engaging in a concrete relationship and the way it is experienced.
Emotional addiction
Often, especially in couple relationships, emotional dependence comes into play and so, the relationship, instead of being a support, it becomes an obstacle to development and even for the mental health of the members.
If you are not happy in your relationship, it may be because you are experiencing it from an addiction point of view. Here are some warning signs that you need to watch out for to understand if you are romantically dependent on your partner.
1. First of all, if your relationship hurts you (for example, if it is a source of anxiety and sadness) and, despite this, you are unable to change the situation and end the relationship, you are probably suffering from some degree of emotional dependence. Relationships are complicated and require commitment and effort, but not pain.
2. A more concrete sign is not doing any activity outside the couple. Whether it's hobbies, studies, career, friends ... If you do everything with your partner, chances are you are in an addictive relationship.
3. Another feature of addiction in the couple is the inability to be alone. You've probably gotten so used to sharing everything with your partner, that now you no longer know what to do when you are alone or you even get overwhelmed by worry: something bad can happen to him / her or who knows what he is doing.
4. You think or believe that you could not live without that person or that your life would be meaningless without him / her, which is now your whole world. These are typical ideas of a dependent relationship.
5. Jealousy is usually another indication of emotional dependence in the couple, because it is linked to insecurity and a lack of communication.
it can have many consequences
In some cases the emotional dependence is due to the fact that we have not learned to tolerate the suffering that comes from life and, therefore, we are unable to abandon the partner who hurts us for fear of change or loneliness. The extreme case of this example is the victims of maltreatment.
In other cases, however, for self-esteem problems, we are dependent on our partner to be positively valued from the outside, to be admired and to receive the security that we ourselves do not have.
Regardless of the reason, dependence in the couple is always and in any case a problem for the individual who suffers from it, who has to work on himself in order to establish healthy relationships, otherwise the expectations, the excessive request for company, the jealousy… will end up deteriorating his relationships.
Don't let your partner take up your whole being and mind, leaving no room for yourself. To love is not to disappear.
(Walter Laughs)
How can emotional dependence be overcome?
1. First of all you have to be honest with yourself and try to understand where the addiction comes from. Maybe you are afraid of loneliness because you have never faced it, maybe your self-esteem depends on the flattery of your partner ... Think carefully because this is the fundamental pillar to overcome addiction.
2. Reconcile with loneliness. Find spaces where you can be yourself without your partner and, above all, enjoy these moments: you can start doing yoga, join a trekking group, sign up for a photography course ... For sure there is something that intrigues you or you've always wanted to do. The important thing is to know that there is something about you that is not dependent on your partner.
3. Be aware of your negative thoughts, especially jealousy, fears, etc. and try to be stronger than them. When you realize that you are falling into a spiral of negative thoughts, go out for a walk, call someone and talk about it.
4. Talk to your partner. Communication is a fundamental pillar in a relationship. It is about sharing your experience with your partner to let him / her understand what you are experiencing and the changes you want to make. This way she will be able to support you and understand you better.
5. Finally, of course consider seeking professional help if you can't find a way to change for yourself.
Life is a long road and, when we let go of the reins a little and let go of fears and anxiety, we can enjoy it all. what it has to offer us, especially romantic relationships, in a much more complete way.
Do you think you suffer or have suffered from addiction in your relationship as a couple? If so, how did you approach the problem or what do you plan to do to overcome it?
