Last update: October 28, 2017
A couple relationship can go through several stages. Everyone would like the period of the butterflies in the stomach to last forever, but it is not possible. Falling in love, with the birds singing and its endless anxieties, is just a phase.
After this period, we move on to a more realistic and profound phase. It is at this point that the first clashes and conflicts can occur. No one is tailor-made for another person and for this reason the first differences, large and small, will reveal themselves in a short time. It is something that happens even in the most compatible couples.
"Distance is not given by how far we separate, distance is given by not returning."
-Alejandro Sanz-
If the couple reaches stability, a new phase begins, the goal of which is to build a life together. The illusions of the beginnings and the small disillusions of the end of falling in love are no longer in the way. At best, the relationship is consolidated. But not forever.
Greater difficulties will arise sooner or later. It is completely normal to approach and move away. Routine and everyday life haunt us, as do temptations. Sometimes we manage to maintain a balance, but at others the first signs of a breakdown begin to manifest. Can you identify these red flags in the relationship? Here are some clues to succeed as soon as possible.
Alarm bells in a relationship
1. There is no more courtesy
One or both partners seem to have forgotten good manners. Sometimes it's just a lack of attention. In other cases, of real rudeness. Courtesy is one of the fundamental characteristics of that special treatment that two people who love each other naturally reserve.
If courtesy (that is, consideration of the other) disappears, it can be an indication that something is wrong with the relationship.. Treat yourself well, with kindness, affection and sweetness is important to keep the feeling alive. When these attentions are lost, it is good to stop for a moment and reflect.
2. The partner is denigrated in front of other people
When a couple is in love, they behave quite proudly in public. One is proud of the other. We praise each other. Socially it presents itself to us as a whole, as two people standing on each other's side. In front of the others, they are two and at the same time only one.
Over the years, this can change. It's normal. What can be alarming, however, is to see a person who does not miss an opportunity to demean or denigrate their partner. Some couples even go so far as to ridicule each other. It is certainly a bad sign.
3. Conversations are always the same
In a couple relationship, the communication it is a fundamental factor. And of course there must be some level of mutual esteem. This is what leads us to want to know what the other thinks about a topic, and to share what one feels or thinks.
If this does not happen and conversations begin to be limited to trivial topics, it means that something is wrong. The spark is dying. If we don't share a good conversation, we aren't sharing our inner world. And this involves a huge distance.
4. The blame is shared
A relationship goes wrong when you keep a very detailed record of the blame to be assigned to one or the other partner. This means that there are unresolved conflicts. It is a problem that deeply wears down the emotional bond and prevents growth on an individual level and as a couple.
In these cases, it is enough to start a little discussion for everyone to come up with their own list of complaints. They both feel that the other is to blame for everything. You are no longer self-critical and start thinking that your partner is the source of all problems.
5. No plans are made together
Sometimes it happens without realizing it. Everyone begins to make more individual life plans, both in the present and in view of the future. One cares about his hobbies, and the other organizes his free time as he wants. The couple divided common life into sealed compartments.
This means that neither of you appreciates the other's company. They are no longer comrades. They are two people who share a common space, but without feeling mutual attraction. It is a very negative sign and indicates that love is losing strength.
6. You don't share quality time
In a relationship it is important that there are moments dedicated exclusively to the couple. And these don't have to include time spent together in the company of children, relatives, or simply for circumstantial reasons.
If moments are not established to dedicate to the couple, it slowly proceeds towards a breakup. It is as if there is no more space in your life for your partner. Most often this departure occurs gradually. And, moreover, there is less and less effort to reduce the distance.
7. The other is suspected
When the relationship has deteriorated, many turn the partner into a potential enemy. This is why they begin to have a lot of suspicions towards her. THEThey are explicitly taking away his trust and, therefore, expecting the worst from the other.
All these clues must be interpreted as red flags. They tell us that the relationship is going through a crisis that only worsens the lives of both. Whether or not it is time to end the relationship is up to the couple. More than trying to reconstruct the love that was there at the beginning, many times over it is good to find together a more adult attitude towards the relationship, to ensure that the couple can mature.
