Last update: Augusts 03, 2015
“And he followed in his footsteps with the hope that, sooner or later, he would turn around. Remembering day after day that sweet voice that spoke to her in her memory, those eyes that looked closely at each other, that thrill when the two bodies touched each other.
His hopeful steps, despite his broken heart, did not hesitate to go on, heedless of the thousand no and the thousand refusals that now accumulated on the path of the past.
And as tears wet her footsteps, sweeping away what little willpower she had left, she swore she would never go down that same path again. Her feet, chained by her pain, trailed through the mud of her thoughts, pulling her away from any trace of what she had gleefully called dignity one day.
And despite the endless promises made to friends, family, and herself, she begged him again. She didn't care about her consequences, she always fell back into her pleading. Whenever she felt the grip of her anguish inside her, her ability to control vanished.
and fear carried her along the streets of despair.
And his self-esteem, sunk and trampled, plunged into the depths of the darkest and deepest mud, hid, abandoning the person he had once been a part of.
Stunned by the melancholy of the memories of a broken and lost love,
by the eternal promises and by the plans of a common future, broken.
He turned and, looking back, thought: What should I have done to not get to this point?
And he wept. "
Did this story make you think?
Who has never been a witness or first person protagonist of a breakup? And how many of these broken stories have been carried away by frustration and defeat? How many have fought against that no, against the inevitability of a breakup with the hope of fixing things and going back? What can we do to not get to this point?
It is true that in many cases a "no" can be fixed, but others "no" are forever and our anxiety, our lack of self-control or our desire to have an answer right away can make the situation worse. Maybe our partner just needs some time to breathe. And that pressure can be the cause that leads him to say no to us.
I conflicts in the couple, like any kind of conflict in this world of human beings, it can have a solution.
Finding the solution, however, requires commitment and will, to love and to do, to grant and to understand. The breakup can be a way out for a couple member from a situation that, from his point of view, has become unbearable.
In many cases it can even be a breath of fresh air, rather than a real abandonment. The problem is that, usually, there is a passive and an active part, that is, a member of the couple who wants this separation and who does everything possible to achieve it, while the passive part does not want it.
This does not mean that those who want the separation suffer less, nor that those who do not want it are the cause. When it comes to breaking up and this is not due to a third person, we must try to be self-critical. Because, even if we have tried to do things right, it is likely that in many cases we will have made mistakes, we will have judged and we will have unintentionally caused unbearable situations.
What to do?
There are several tips we can give you to help keep your relationship from reaching a point of no return. Some of these are:
1. Not to impose, but to dialogue, to arrive at a consensus. Stop arguing to figure out who is right, but rather explain our motives in a logical way. Focus more on present moments rather than bringing past ones back to the surface, let alone set them as an example.
2. Understand that it is normal to disagree on everything: this must be seen as a positive "challenge" to find commonalities, rather than a conflict.
3. Thank our partner and let him / her understand that we appreciate his efforts to improve our relationship. Small gestures, a kiss, a hug, a caress, a smile or a moment dedicated only to him / her can prove to be more important and more powerful than blatant gestures with the sole intent of entering into her good graces.
4. If we have to criticize something we don't like, it is always better to criticize a certain behavior rather than the person. Emphasize that you don't like what he has done, instead of going personal and blaming your partner for flaws or insulting them. Respect is essential for a good coexistence.
5. Talk to your partner and establish a priori that, if an argument turns violent, it is best to abandon it so that you can think individually and find a solution to the problem. When you are more relaxed, try to re-address the issue patiently and through dialogue: only through understanding and compromise will you reach agreement.
6. Make an effort to listen, look into the eyes, try to understand the world of the other, his experiences, his anxieties and fears.
7. Look for shared activities that allow you to share time in a way that is enjoyable for both of you. Accept the dynamism of the relationship without trying to be a copy of the other.
8. Trust your partner and give him time for himself; do not suffocate him with messages and calls, but respect his spaces. True love comes from freedom.
9. And most importantly, take time only for yourself, without the partner. Remember who you are and why that person fell in love with you one day. Love each other!
Albert Einstein said:
"Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed, everything is transformed".
Love too!
