A breakup is a painful moment from which everything starts to change. Despite the pain, it is possible to grow and change.
Last update: May 07, 2022
After a breakup, it is inevitable to feel great pain over the absence of your loved one. Even though she has left us, we still have the hope that she will return. However, the reality is often different, because this is not always possible.
According to psychotherapist Katherine Woodward, who has conducted numerous studies on "conscious separation", you have to work hard on yourself to end a relationship in the best possible way.
This involves admitting and taking responsibility for failures and responsibilities, as well as being aware of the dynamics that led to the breakup of the relationship.
Only in this way can the break become an opportunity for transformation, a turning point from which to redirect one's life and even oneself.
"No problem can be solved at the same level of consciousness in which it was created."
-Albert Einstein-
Accept reality to feel free
We live in a society that limits love to the relational sphere. Who hasn't thought that without a partner every possibility of love in one's life was impossible?
However, we must ask ourselves: are we capable of truly and unconditionally loving or do we live this illusion only within the dynamic of an anxious attachment?
Ending a relationship is complex because it's like closing a cycle. If we don't, we will hardly get on with our lives. It is important to keep in mind that, as in any process of pain and loss, we will be at the mercy of a whirlwind of emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and grief. A breakup is a full-fledged bereavement.
So what's the secret? Acceptance. Accepting reality makes progress and inner growth possible. Only when we accept reality do we get rid of the emotional burden of the breakup and begin to be aware of the psychological strength and the life lesson learned.
However, we are not always strong enough to face the situation alone. It is therefore advisable to contact a specialized professional.
These will teach us to manage our emotions and will give us valuable advice on how to continue our life in a healthy way. Of course, let's not forget that it is also important to rely on family and friends.
“What you oppose persists. What you deny submits to you, what you accept transforms you. "
-Carl Jung-
Reconsider your beliefs about love after a breakup
Our beliefs about love and relationships can be decisive when it comes to overcoming a breakup.
Most of us grew up with the prospect of romantic love, the one in which the idea that one must necessarily suffer for love prevails. In fact, it is one of the beliefs that can harm us the most: not having a partner seems like a failure, while being with someone is a symptom of fulfillment. But have you ever wondered how many couples are together pretending to be happy?
A breakup acts as a catalyst that pushes us to become a better version of ourselves.
The point is, it's not good for us to think that being in a relationship is the only right thing to do or a sacrifice to submit to. Because although it is proven that everyone likes to feel loved, one can also be single, separated or divorced and have a full and fulfilling emotional life.
Therefore, the time has come to reconsider our beliefs about love and relationships. Above all to better manage our emotions in relation to these issues, especially those that cause us pain and suffering.
Accepting the unpleasant emotions resulting from a breakup on the one hand, is an emotional challenge due to resistance to acceptance and denial of the situation; on the other hand, however, once this acceptance has taken over, we will begin to follow a path that will gradually appear more and more pleasant and balanced.
"You can't control all the things that happen to you, but you can make sure they don't harm you."
-Maya Angelou-
Guidelines for transforming yourself after a breakup
Transforming yourself after a breakup isn't easy, but it's not impossible either. It involves learning a range of skills to manage emotions, establish emotional balance, and achieve physical and mental well-being. Here are ten tips for transform your life in a positive way after a breakup:
- Know yourself. The first step in transforming yourself is knowing who we are. This is why it is so important to be honest with your self.
- Improve self-esteem. Having healthy self-esteem encourages us to do whatever we want. The most important love is self-love, therefore: pamper yourself, talk positively with yourself, avoid comparisons with others and with past relationships.
- Develop self-acceptance and self-awareness. Reconsider your beliefs, needs and values. It's time to learn new behaviors.
- Get out of the comfort zone. Be aware that if you continue to act in the same way, you will get the same results. Be open to change.
- Stay active. Do what you've always wanted to do: a trip, a hobby, a sport.
- Live in the here and now. Keep in mind that the past pushes us towards depression and anxiety towards the future. Don't rush, savor life.
- Think positive.
- Give up victimhood. There are no guilty and innocent - we are all responsible for our actions. Therefore, every lived situation teaches us something.
- To be grateful as much as lived and learned. Living with a grudge against the past makes us unhappy in the present. Gratitude opens many doors.
- Educate your emotions. Negative emotions are not to be avoided: they are there, we must accept them and find out what they want to tell us.
And you, do you have the courage to transform yourself after a breakup?
