Last update: February 19, 2016
"You are doing things wrong", "this color does not suit you", "but where do you want to go dressed like this?", "You are not able to defend yourself", etc. These are just some of the judgments we hear from all people who have a tendency to criticize all the time. Maybe you are the first to criticize?
Whether you have been criticized or you are the criticism, you must know that this behavior is a sign of a considerable lack of confidence and self-esteem. Perhaps you deny this fact, but it is so. Do you know what? Often the criticisms that are addressed to you are not true, they are simply admiration or envy coated with negativity.
"Let's not forget that unfair criticisms are often disguised praise"
(Dale Carnegie)
There are no constructive criticisms
Sometimes, it is we who ask the people around us to provide constructive criticism or it is others who, to justify themselves, call their comments "constructive criticism", as if, thus defined, they hurt less.
Criticism is never constructive, as it destroys us and damages our ego. We can see them positively, but in the deepest part of ourselves they hurt us. Do you know what lies behind all these so-called "constructive" comments?
- Corrosive criticism, whose goal is to make the person speaking them feel better. Perhaps this individual feels terrible anger within him and needs to unload it on someone; you are his targets. Without having any fault, you have been at the center of an unstoppable rain of criticism. Useless, negative criticisms, the only purpose of which is to hurt.
- Destructive criticism, which plunge our self-esteem, which trample it and which make us feel worthless people, deprived of something to offer, useless. Such criticisms distress us, focus on the negative aspects of what we do and make us feel incapable.
- Sharp criticisms. We are sensitive to praise as well as criticism; therefore it is important to be sure of ourselves, to have faith in our abilities and to cultivate our self-esteem. In this way, no criticism can hurt us.
Here is what lies behind the so-called constructive criticisms, which have nothing constructive, on the contrary: they are destructive. We already know for ourselves what we did wrong thanks to our capacity for self-criticism.
We have no reason to seek criticism in others that we already make ourselves and from which we learn to improve. Don't ask others to judge you, because they will hurt you.
“Face your path with courage, do not be afraid of the criticisms of others. And, above all, do not let yourselves be blocked by your own criticisms ”.
(Paulo Coelho)
We are surrounded by criticism
Take all the criticisms they make of you. It may be that you have asked others to comment on something and you have realized that it was not a good idea; other criticisms, however, also come without your request, without a reason.
We are surrounded by criticism. We are constantly being watched and everything we do will be criticized. Perhaps because there are people who are so bored that they need to criticize the lives of others or perhaps simply because they are trying to make sense of theirs.
We must learn to understand what our strengths are, learn from our mistakes, have faith in ourselves and not give too much importance to what others say. Especially since these comments are the fruit of boredom: some are not even made to hurt, but are simply born out of monotony and lack of topics to talk about.
Criticism is a ladder to climb
Take the criticisms and build a step for each one, the same way you learn from your mistakes. Visualize this ladder in your mind, which can be long or short. When you visualize it, start climbing the steps and you will see that instead of feeling worse in front of criticism, you will feel much better!
"Criticizing my flaws will not reduce yours"
(Anonymous)
Climb the steps of this ladder made of criticism and you will see how you will overcome it, how you will advance and how you will grow thanks to it.
You often tend to see the negative side of things that happen to you, but, as with mistakes, you can also learn something from criticism: they can help you grow. What are you waiting for to build your staircase?
Images courtesy of Joe Diamond, DawnElaineDarkwood, Loika
