Last update: December 07, 2016
Anger is an emotion that seduces our inner monologue, that sequester our thoughts, our words and our actions. A defense weapon that, if used in the wrong way, can backfire and cause serious damage if we let it grow.
It is an emotion that we do not like, yet, on more than one occasion, we have found that we cannot avoid it. This is undoubtedly due to the fact that it is a natural tool of our evolution that helps us to face the injustices we suffer.
Having a child powerfully and insistently claim that his brother has taken his toy from him is, in short, a way of asserting his interests and avoiding his integrity being undermined. The problem with this emotion comes in the event that the child decides not to abandon his protest and does not know how to manage the situation.
This means that if we remain anchored to “they took my toy away”, in a short time, our physiological and cognitive system will find itself trapped in a spiral of negative feelings and thoughts that do not allow us to move forward.
The idea of ​​vulnerability behind anger
We don't like to show our anger in public, because we consider it a condemnation of our personal and emotional qualities. We are afraid to express it and, therefore, we tend to show it only inside the house, surrounded by people who know us and who, therefore, we hope do not judge us for this behavior.
This emotion, which is treated unfairly, is frowned upon by our society. Despite this, as we have repeated several times in our space, manifesting it helps us to gather information on what does not make us feel comfortable, thus giving us the opportunity to examine it and seek a balance.
There is a main reason that leads us to condemn the manifestation of anger, which is to confuse it with anger or with the boundless and uncontrolled expression of the annoyance we feel. This means that we consider bursting and screaming and frowning when something is bothering us as equivalent.
However, in reality, we can say that anger and anger are not the same thing, because anger manifests itself when we do not know how to manage what makes us angry and torments us. If we don't get rid of it in time, we'll end up having a storm in a glass of water and that's when the serious problems begin.
When we are not aware and we do not express that concern, "what has bothered us" turns into a dangerous crossroads of emotions that seize our mind, our brain and our body.
For what reason? Because we end up focusing all of our attention on isolated incidents preventing ourselves from melting an emotional snowball that rolls and rolls getting bigger and bigger.
The first steps in letting go of anger are understanding and expression
Once we become aware of our feelings and emotions, then we can take a step forward to manage them and transform them into useful and no longer harmful feelings. We can say that, when we express our emotions, it is as if we were pushing the brake pedal, because we release a large part of the affective charge that facilitates the arrival of negative moods and that could constitute a threat to our balance.
Going back to the example of the child angry because his toy was stolen, it is easy to see that promoting equality through protest and the demand to restore violated freedom is quite normal behavior.
However, as we have already explained, when anger arises in response to a physical or psychic threat, it is important to manage feelings and emotions born in us. Otherwise, we will find ourselves dominated by thoughts and actions that do nothing but promote the malaise, without doing anything to resolve it.
The anatomy of our emotional brain when it is angry
When, through our senses, we perceive that someone has committed an injustice or wrong towards us or that has violated our personal interests, our limbic system (the amygdala and adjacent structures) receives a discharge that starts the motor. .
In other words, our nervous system is activated and, at the same time, our body and mind "turn on" to make room for action. Furthermore, the neocortex is in charge of calculating and triggering a reaction that is more or less consistent with the situation.
In this way, the limbic discharge is followed by a release of catecholamines, which helps us to react decisively and quickly. In these moments and if the reaction is very intense, it is as if we are on fire: our cheeks warm us, our knuckles whiten and our mind begins to travel at thousands of kilometers per hour.
On the other hand, the activation of adrenocortical hormones implies a prolonged reaction that predisposes us to action for a longer period. This hypersensitivity manages to dominate our mind, which tends to feed itself from the spiral of negative feelings.
In these cases, every little unexpected thing makes us explode, accumulating anger upon anger and worsening our cognitive incapacity. In fact, we will not be able to think correctly, which prompts us to underestimate the thoughts that could slow this escalation.
Emotional distance is needed to let off some temper
How can we see, the key to managing anger in the right way is to calm the agitation. This is possible in two ways:
- Taking the right physical and emotional distances from the situation to prevent the adrenaline rush from dominating us and feeding through the reigning irritability.
- By holding back our inner monologue, that is by distracting us and not giving credit to the thoughts that dominate our mind.
This is precisely what prompts us to say that anger is an emotion that seduces our inner dialogue, favoring “more than convincing” arguments that argue that what made us angry is the origin of all evil.
One hostile thought after another ends up building the chain of anger, until it worsens it and turns it into anger. For this reason, it is enough to question some of these links that come in the form of categorical reasoning to be able to calm the waters of our mind, which favor uncontrolled malaise.
In this way, little by little, the fire will go out because we will stop adding wood to feed it, and we will be able to look at the situation of the chains that once held us prisoner from afar. This is the first step towards emotional well-being.
Interesting reading:
Goleman, D. (1996). Emotional intelligence. BUR Rizzoli.
