Anger does not go away by itself, as if by magic. Faced with such a strong emotion, the most important thing is to know how to manage it correctly. If not, we end up getting sick.
Last update: December 05, 2018
Ineffective anger management is a habit or dimension with potentially disastrous consequences. Anger is one of those invasive emotions that often leads us to do nonsense. We end up saying or doing something that harms us or hurts the people we love.
Unfortunately, some consider anger to be positive. The shouting boss or the strict parent are often convinced that an explosion of this type is a sign of seriousness, of interest. However, out of control anger is unlikely to have any positive effects. On the contrary, it hurts, harms and creates more anger or resentment in others. This is why we insist on the importance of proper anger management.
It is not about stifling it because, like all emotions, it is in many cases a legitimate reaction. The key is not to let her have control, don't let her tell us how to act. So let's see 4 ineffective ways to manage such a powerful emotion.
Anger: An acid that can cause more damage to the container that contains it than to anything it is poured on.
-Seneca-
Inadequate strategies for anger management
1. Complete containment
Total containment of anger is never a viable solution to manage this and other emotions. Denying, gagging, evading, or trying to minimize what you are feeling is not okay. Repression is never a successful strategy. This energy that we try to stifle always comes back in the form of physical or psychological symptoms.
The best attitude is not to bite our tongues and try to carry on as if nothing happened. What we can do is first think to prevent one of these outbursts of anger turning against ourselves or the people we love. Calm will give way to a more favorable scenario to express this emotion.
2. Pouring anger on ourselves
If we repress the energy that accompanies anger, it will eventually explode within us. Emotions do not disappear and do not dilute on their own. If not managed, they turn into something unwanted. It is common to see that a tacit anger turns into personal aggression later on.
Depression, for example, often hides under suppressed anger. The anger is still there, but instead of being directed towards the one who generated it, it lashes out at us. It is at this point that self-reproaches and resentment appear. It is also possible to feel physical discomfort, such as dizziness, headache.
Never lose sight of why you are angry. What caused the anger?
3. Adopt a passive-aggressive attitude
The passive-aggressive attitude is one in which words, gestures, actions indicate an anger that is not directly expressed. We prefer to hide and the feeling is veiled, softened, but never channeled or resolved. The typical example is indirect affirmations, those that say and do not say.
Such anger management is not effective because it creates confusion, in us and in others. We do not have the satisfaction of openly expressing our annoyance, but we do not want to remain silent. This tends to prolong the conflict unnecessarily or to trigger a chain of problems.
4. Unload the anger on those who are not guilty
Anger often generates completely irrational aggressive chain reactions. Let's imagine the boss scolding an employee. She doesn't respond, but when she's nervous and she treats the guy badly for no reason. The boyfriend doesn't answer, but he is annoyed and when he gets home he takes it out on his little brother and scolds him. The child does not respond, but appeases his anger by having fun tormenting the house dog.
A circle of aggression has been created, because at no point in this chain has adequate anger management been achieved. The last link in the chain, the most innocent, could pay the consequences of emotional mismanagement. It is the surest way to ruin emotional bonds for no reason.
Learning to manage anger is very important if you want to build healthy environments and positive relationships. The ideal is to always express your annoyance to the person who generated it, to protest openly in the face of unfair or disrespectful behavior.
However, do so after you have recovered your composure. If you can't, try putting it on paper, without filters; it will be of great help to you.
