We all build a scale of values ​​to guide us. This sort of manual has the power to make our life easier, but also to complicate it if it is the source of numerous worries or dissonances.
Last update: 09 March, 2021
The scale of values ​​is a type of classification that we do on a mental level and that helps us make decisions. Not all scales of values ​​are the same, indeed, we can have a different one depending on our personality, age, even sex. On the other hand, this scale changes constantly and the order of its elements is sensitive to circumstances.
There are no correct or incorrect scales of values, but dysfunctional ones exist. When our scale of values ​​is not adequate, it becomes normal to suffer from situations, people or events in life that in principle should not hurt us so much.
If we attach too much importance to superficial life characteristics such as physique, work or having a partner or not, it is very likely that we will end up obsessing with achieving goals that have to do with those values.
Although a desire is legitimate and pushes us to live and advance along the paths of our interestit is also important to distinguish desires from needs; it would therefore be advisable to avoid building a scale of values ​​that condemns us to constant suffering or frustration.
Why are there unhealthy scales of values?
It can happen that one way or another our scale of values ​​is not always perfect, and there is nothing strange about that. There are people who value being thin more than being good friends, good parents or children, for example.
This happens because we live in a society and culture, especially the Western one, which already predisposes us to have a maladjusted scale of values.
If a 16-year-old teenager notes repeatedly that what governs society is the canons of beauty - that is, rules of measurement that largely determine the judgment of others - it will not be strange that he has as his goal the adaptation of the body to this model. Also, you are likely to see this as a primary focus, ending up suffering on those occasions when he will find the obstacles along the way insurmountable.
Also, if we internalize the idea that our grades make us more worthy of the love and consideration of others, we are likely to do our best to get better grades. Therefore, learning would be overshadowed, giving priority to assessment.
The point is that social ideas about the different characteristics of the human being are strongly biased. Not only do they associate having certain traits, such as being beautiful or smart, with being a good person, but, as if that weren't enough, they also relate it to happiness.
Who hasn't heard the phrase: "And the boyfriend?", "You don't want to be a spinster for life"? These phrases, for example, value having a partner, children and a family. Clearly these are things that have value, but we cannot place them at the top of our scale, since it is possible to be good people even if we don't have them.
If we believe these things, we will end up suffering a lot if we find ourselves alone. We would be convinced that we are failures or second-rate people, when in reality these ideas have no basis.
What would be the ideal scale of values?
There is no ideal scale of values, but it is undoubtedly convenient review your own and identify in which areas of our life we ​​suffer the most. If you realize that one of these areas blocks you, hinders you in obtaining results and moreover makes you suffer, think too much or invest a good part of your energy, you may have given it too much value.
It would not be bad to start seeing reality with your own eyes, that is, surely what you give so much value to, in reality does not have it. Or at least, not up to that point.
It should be borne in mind that what makes almost all human beings truly happy is in the first place be good people, with ourselves and with others. If we can do this, we can give less importance to other things, so that they become desirable, but not essential, goals or objectives.
Core values
Behaving well with others, helping them, supporting them is a value that every human being can make his or her own. It is a practically innate value that comes from within. When we do not develop this value, we will be able to cultivate others but we will hardly be happy.
You may find yourself having a lot of money, a spectacular home, sex at will, and a socially admirable profession, but a very small support group. But then what is the point of wanting all these things?
Although sometimes we may think, because it is what they have sold us, that the order is: first what is superficial in order to obtain the love of others and that towards ourselves, the reality is that it is exactly the opposite. First of all, we need to cultivate acceptance of ourselves, simply being ourselves and loving others for who they are.
Once this value is developed, we will surely get the others. The positive aspect is that they will no longer be needs, but genuine desires. Security, friendship and love attract other values and, by extension, they also make us more attractive to ourselves. Furthermore, the best thing is not what you get, but how we enjoy it, which is much more important.
