Last update: 20 November 2015
“The future of children is today.
Tomorrow it will be too late. "
(Gabriela Mistral)
When we decide to have a child, we don't really focus on all the work and responsibility that this entails.
We are about to give birth to a person who will become the embodiment of our teachings and life lessons. This is the real job, the one that requires the most effort, but also the one that gives us the most satisfaction.
What is it that we are not doing correctly? This is a question we should always ask ourselves.
Trying to adjust the shot is necessary in cases like these; we are not talking about something passing: the education our children receive determines the people who will be tomorrow.
Positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement
Certainly, it is something you remember well from your childhood and that, unwittingly, you are reproducing with your children.
If you pay attention to your children only when they have some pranks, when they cry, when they speak badly, or when they are irresponsible, you will leave aside all the positive actions they do.
If you don't reinforce its positive side, your child will feel worthless and dissatisfied when it does something good.
In reality, it is good for him to feel that his positive behavior is rewarded. Attention, we are not talking about material rewards: a simple favorable word from the parents will make the child feel happy about the pride generated in the parents.
Even if you don't realize it, it is possible to reinforce the negative actions of your children. This means that you not only ignore the positive acts, but that you also affect those you complain so much.
If you only listen to your children when they cry or throw a tantrum, you send them an erroneous message, because, in this way, they will know exactly what to do to get your attention. The question to ask is "What happens if one day they fail?".
Norms and limits
Standards are necessary, for they teach your children to respect them, as will be required of them in the future at school or at work.
There are parents who disagree on setting rules, but not many. It's a lot the tendency to be inconsistent with them is more widespread.
The rules don't just apply to childrenIf you don't respect them, your children won't understand why they have to fulfill standards that you don't follow either.
"Because I am great", "because I tell you" ... These phrases do not facilitate positive learning in your children: the rules are the same for everyone, otherwise they lose all their meaning.
Limits must exist, as children are not born knowing their duty already and it is good to teach them how far they can go in certain situations.
It is not necessary to clip their wings, because then you could cause the opposite effect. However, they have to learn a few rules to avoid becoming rude or disrespectful.
Children learn fast, therefore, the sooner you act, the better. You must think that, in educational matters, the saying “now or never” applies.
They will get big sooner than you think and everything you haven't taught them will backfire on you. Be firm, accountable and consistent; your children will be grateful to you.
I am not the center of the world
Obviously, it is very important to pay attention to your children, but do not confuse this with making them believe they are the center of the world.
We often find ourselves criticizing people who feel at the center of the universe; do not make your children believe that everything revolves around them, as this will make them not very generous with others, not so much in a materialistic sense as in an emotional one.
They need to be empaths and who know that they will not always be able to be the center of attention, since that place will also be occupied by others.
“There is no problem if, every now and then, the word 'no' is also used”.
(Emma Jenner)
You don't have to be there all the time during their angers, needs and fears: your children must learn to fend for themselves.
If they will always have you by their side at all times, ready to satisfy their needs, they will not be able to face adversity that will arise without warning.
Giving in to whims, being indecisive and inconsistent with the rules and limits, will ensure that the education you are giving your children has no effect.
So ask yourself if you are doing things right, look for another point of view. Do not do it for yourself, but for your children: tomorrow they will be what you teach them today.
