Last update: 13 September, 2020
Being physically distant isn't the only way to feel distant from the people you love. Sometimes, even when only a few centimeters separate, we perceive a great absence of important people. In relationships, the connection is not only nourished by physical closeness, but also by the exchange of affections, gestures and intentions. For this reason, it is important to pay attention to attitudes that separate, rather than unite.
"The scariest thing about distance is that you don't know if they'll miss you or forget about you."
-Nicholas Sparks-
It is good to keep in mind that the attitudes that separate psychologically can be the result of difficulties and problems, one's own or those of others. For this reason, it is vital to make sure you know how we are with ourselves in the first place. Regardless of what the reason is, these situations make us suffer. Let's see together what are the attitudes that separate rather than unite.
Attitudes that separate us: what separates us from others?
Since man is a social being, the desire to get away from others can only be due to problems of a psychological nature. An individual who categorically rejects the company of others is likely suffering from difficulties that we are unable to identify. On the pathological level, depression can be one of the causes, and in these cases it will be necessary to seek the help of a specialist.
There are, however, also other attitudes, reflections of our psychological traits, which alienate people. While not true pathologies, these attitudes can jeopardize interpersonal relationships. Below we will delve into some separating attitudes.
Egocentrism
According to the dictionaries, self-centeredness is “The exaggerated exaltation of one's personality, which is considered the center of attention and general activities". Self-centered people overshadow the interests and desires of others, considering them inferior to their own.
These people, therefore, do not give importance to the problems of others, drawing attention away from them. It is not easy to dialogue with an egocentric, since he will deny the existence of any problem whose root is in the person of him. On the contrary, he will tend to identify the problem in the one who expresses his concerns to him, generating both physical and emotional separation.
Mistreatment
In this case the abuser's toxic attitude is reflected directly on his victim. Abuse is defined as "treating someone badly with gestures or words". The abused person will suffer negative psychological consequences because his executioner will not respond to the idealized image, moreover the abuser will turn away from the victim because he does not value his feelings, almost as if it were an unimportant object.
However, this is a rather special case. Although the abuser's behaviors and attitudes distance the victim, a manipulative game is put in place that somehow prevents the victim from really separating. It is undoubtedly one of the attitudes that distance and prevent the establishment of a conscious, emotional and healthy bond between two people.
Contempt
Directly related to abuse, contempt manifests itself in several ways. It can take the form of excessive sarcasm, which hides in humor the intention to hurt the other. It tends to be the consequence of a feeling of superiority (generally intellectual) on the part of those who despise.
According to dictionaries, contempt can be defined as "disdain", which in turn implies detachment - in other words, a position away from the other. It is therefore one of the attitudes that separate more than distance, since treating others from the top of one's superiority is a form of contempt.
Bugie
Here is one of the attitudes that separate more than the distance between the most common, primitive and apparently harmless. Lying implies hiding and falsifying reality. Put on a mask to hide what for some reason you don't want to reveal.
How can a person who lies be trusted? How can we transmit trust if we lie? It is normal for the lie to distance us from others. It is a way of boycotting sincerity by cutting off any attempt to connect with others. By lying, we prevent others from knowing us.
Victimization
This attitude is incredibly damaging to relationships. Not only because it distorts the meaning of victim, causing the real victims to lose credibility, but also because it exploits a completely useless feeling of guilt.
Victimization is a form of self-deception, proof that one has poor self-regulation and emotional responsibility skills. These people make continuous complaining and criticism a survival mechanism, blaming others for their own unhappiness or any other state of mind.
Handling
Closely related to contempt and mistreatment, manipulation is the consequence of an individual's alleged intellectual superiority. Manipulative people expect to influence others' attitudes for their own benefit.
Their purpose is to annihilate others, but when the people around them notice it, they generate a deep rejection.
All attitudes that separate more than distance are harmful to the proper functioning of interpersonal relationships. You need to know how to recognize them, so that you can establish healthy and positive relationships.
