Understand that you are sabotaging yourself when you feel like you are never achieving your purpose. In many cases it is we ourselves who interpose those obstacles that prevent us from moving forward.
Last update: June 20, 2020
It can happen to anyone, at a certain time in their life, to sabotage themselves, and to be well aware of doing so. Generally, however, this is not the norm. When this happens, we are usually not aware of it; on the contrary, we think our strategy is logical and coherent.
In the same way, we can find justification for many of our actions, in retrospect, masking true motivation with one that makes us feel better, a motivation deduced from the effects of our actions, which we had not foreseen or identified as important.
Understanding if we are sabotaging ourselves is easy: with every step we take, we stray from our goals. We ask ourselves why, but we don't know how to answer it convincingly. It would seem that "something" always gets in the way, preventing us from reaching the goal marked on the map.
There are several reasons for self-sabotaging. Sometimes it is the fear of success that hinders us, other times it is the belief that we do not deserve it. In some cases we don't really recognize ourselves in our goal and therefore, unknowingly, we look for a way to avoid it.
Self sabotage? The 5 main signs
"Whether you think you can do it or not, you will still be right."
-Henry Ford-
1. I can do it on my own
Many people think they can't trust anyone when it comes to getting a certain task done well. In this group of people there is another smaller one, convinced that the tasks of this type are many. By not trusting anyone but yourself, however, you end up taking on unnecessary responsibilities, that could easily be delegated or shared.
An African proverb says: “Alone we walk fast, but together we go further”. It may be true: sometimes there are tasks that no one else can do as well as we can. But if we don't give an opportunity, we can't even prove otherwise or empower others to learn and be autonomous in the future.
2. Are you convinced that you are always right?
This signal is related to the previous one. It has to do with the inability to find the bright side or understand the motives of others. Who knows, maybe you think you are always right because it is basically true. From your point of view, reason is always on your side. The question, then, is perhaps understand the point of view of others and to do this it is necessary to put aside too rigid schemes.
If we judge everything with our parameters, obviously in our eyes others will always be wrong. This attitude deprives you of the valuable contribution offered by others, with their personal perspective. The result is to get stuck, because you only see part of the landscape.
3. Do you have so many unfinished projects behind you?
This is a very clear sign that you are sabotaging yourself. Of course, there is always a reason to leave a project unfinished. In other words, it is not difficult to rationalize the tendency to abandon it: to avoid creating dissonance, therefore malaise. We therefore feel motivated to use any strategy to reverse this feeling.
Failing to complete projects reduces the possibility of achieving goals and not just because you don't reach the finish line. All these pending projects, unfinished cycles, create a rule and normalize our future attitude.
4. Self sabotage by not admitting or not giving importance to one's results
Maybe you don't feel like you deserve success? For this reason you are even worried about reversing the current that leads you to reap the benefits of your work. Sometimes we do it with the way we interpret our achievements, our progress. When you reach a secondary goal, do you belittle it? By doing so, you are nullifying reinforcement and motivation which follow implicitly.
It is as if you feel that you are only able to achieve small things. If they were valuable, you would not be able to reach them. This thought turns into a vicious circle in which you are both victim and executioner. It is a mode of behavior that generally satisfies only neurotic impulses.
5. Self sabotaging by playing the victim
Sometimes it is ourselves who hinder our progress when we belittle or victimize ourselves. What can you expect from someone who does not have "x", lacks the ability "y" or the means "z"? We hide behind our shortcomings, our limits, so as not to leave our comfort zone.
Feeling like a victim is a good strategy to justify stagnation. Those who victimize themselves look for excuses instead of reasons. All this does not happen in a conscious way, but neither in a completely unconscious way. Many times we get secondary benefits, such as the feeling of security that reinforces our behavior.
Pay attention to these signs. Perhaps you will understand the real reasons why you often fail to get what you want. Realizing that you are turning them against you can be a good starting point for a fuller life.
