According to the NARM, there are 5 basic needs. If they are not satisfied, our physical and mental wellbeing can be affected.
Last update: October 30, 2020
We all have basic needs to meet. For example, eating every day, having friends you can trust, and a job that allows us to pay our rent and bills. The basic needs identified by the NARM are 5 to be exact.
The acronym NARM refers to a neuro-affective model widely described by its founder, Dr. Laurence Heller, in the book Healing the traumas of developmental age.
According to this model, if basic needs are not met, in us an imbalance occurs which can manifest itself in the body in the form of tension or illness.
Basic needs according to the NARM
In the following paragraphs we present the 5 basic needs according to the NARM, their definition and what can happen if they are not adequately met.
It will be easy to feel them as necessary elements for one's life, which will allow us to take action to prevent this need from continuing to be synonymous with lack or discomfort.
1. Connection
Have you ever felt distant from your circle of friends? Do you think you should have been born in another age to feel that connection with others and the world around you? This may indicate that the first basic need according to the NARM is not adequately met.
When this happens, we may be unable to connect with our body and emotions, resulting in a lack of connection with those of others.
In addition to this, we may feel a burden to others or even believe we don't need anyone. This will significantly affect our relationships. Feeling that we belong to the world is essential.
2. Tuning
The second of the basic needs according to the NARM can be confused with the first, since both are closely linked to each other. Nonetheless, the tuning refers to the cinability to recognize one's own needs and to sense them in other people.
By attuning to others, we can meet their needs through empathy and respect. If we fail to achieve this, we will feel dissatisfied and empty. In some cases, moreover, we can be complacent so that others can satisfy a new need: that of feeling indispensable.
"As our biological needs are met by others at an early age, we develop basic skills that allow us to recognize and meet these needs as adults."
-Laurence Heller-
3. Trust
Trust, not only in ourselves but also in others, is essential to avoid developing addictive relationships that cause us great distress. While it is true that somehow we always depend on others, there are substantial differences between a healthy and an unhealthy addiction.
Therefore avoiding to surround ourselves with toxic people will prevent us from feeling small, betrayed or, on the contrary, having a tendency to take advantage of others.
4. Autonomy among the basic needs of the NARM
The penultimate need described by the NARM is closely related to the previous one. Are we afraid of being abandoned? We fail to be assertive (we can't say "no") because we feel guilty?
If we have answered affirmatively to the previous questions, most likely the basic need for autonomy is not adequately satisfied.
To be able to saying what we think and feel and knowing how to set boundaries in our relationships is very important, especially to protect our balance. Otherwise, we may feel resentment or fear of disappointing others.
"People who lack autonomy must understand that they will remain trapped as long as they want to please others at their own expense."
– Laurence Heller-
5. Love and sexuality
Feeling loved by others is very important. If not satisfied, this need can generate rejection of loneliness and self. Cultivating interpersonal relationships, however, must not compromise self-love, an indispensable condition for having healthy relationships.
Similarly, we cannot ignore sexuality: it must be lived fully and freely to generate satisfaction. If not, we will feel rejected, hurt and even believe we have some physical defect on multiple occasions.
Sometimes, however, we make the mistake of acting with pride, rejecting others or believing that we are perfect and, therefore, that no one is equal to us.
What to remember about the basic needs of the NARM
Meeting the basic needs described by the NARM is important for cultivating a healthy relationship with oneself and with others.
Have you already identified the unmet need in your life? If you feel unable to handle this deficiency, don't hesitate to seek professional help.
