Last update: July 27, 2015
It is said that we are our own worst judges or that we often treat others better than ourselves. Sometimes we are too demanding, we do not forgive ourselves for mistakes or we find it hard to love each other and tell us positive things.
Then it is necessary to learn to love, respect and accept ourselves as we do with the people around us. If we start with ourselves, it will be easier to behave in the same way towards others.
Some might say that they take a lot to not sit around doing nothing or because they need limits to keep going. This is fine. However, what is not good is when we constantly blame ourselves for what we do badly or what we can improve. We may start by not being so rigid, allowing ourselves to make mistakes from time to time (which will also serve us to learn).
We show ourselves to others as strong, purposeful, courageous, true superheroes. In reality, we hide the fact of being afraid, of having doubts, of not being happy.
This mask or screen that we wear in front of the world does not help us, indeed, when the time comes to be alone, we become even more unfair and harsh on ourselves, we do not allow ourselves to make mistakes even once.
How to start being kind?
Saying "I love myself" is not synonymous with narcissism, but to accept yourself and love yourself as you are. While this seems to be the hardest thing in the world, it doesn't have to be. For this, some tips that could help you are:
1. Accept that you can be wrong: no one is perfect and no one is born a master. As with everyone, you too make mistakes, because you are human. Relativize your mistakes, don't make an ocean of one drop, look at things from the right perspective.
If there is something in your way of doing or speaking that you do not like, pay attention next time, analyze the situation and try to figure out how to solve it. What would happen if your friend or family member made the same mistake? Convince yourself that the world will not stop spinning, there will be no apocalypse because you have made a mistake or, better, because you have admitted that you have made a mistake.
2. Don't ignore the pain: not even sadness, fear, suffering, despair, depression, that is, all the bad things that can happen to you. Wanting to hide in front of others can be helpful on certain occasions, but there comes a time when you will have to deal with your feelings and emotions.
You are able to bear that your best friend is sick or that your partner is having a bad day, but not to say "today I am sad" or "today I am depressed" because you want to remove that feeling at all costs, hide it without resolving it. This attitude only makes things worse.
3. Treat yourself as you would someone you love: imagine you are in the kitchen with your child who wants to help you set the table. He takes a glass and falls to the ground, breaking into a thousand pieces. What would you tell him? You might scold him, but if the baby were to cut himself and start crying, you would be more likely to comfort him, tell him that he did it unwittingly, that it is a mistake anyone can make, etc.
So what if it were you in your child's place? If you broke the glass and shattered it into a thousand pieces? Surely your first reaction would be to think that you are useless and that you can't do anything good.
Compare the two situations and imagine how your child would feel if you told him the same things you would say to yourself and think about how you would feel if you were understanding with yourself as well as with your child.
4. Having a bad day does not mean that bad luck will never go away. We can all go through moments that we would like to forget, we suffer, we do not do anything good and it seems that we walk with a black cloud of rain above our heads that does nothing but get wet.
You have a chance to get out of it successfully by winning the battle against bad luck, fate or whatever you want to call it. There will always be good things to remember even at the worst times. Every day, stop for a few minutes to think about the things you are grateful for… you will realize that they are many and all beautiful!
Don't be your own worst enemy, but become your best ally and companion.
