Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Being comfortable with yourself is priceless. It is an art that requires two prerequisites: reconcile with the past to chase away some disappointments and stop obsessing about the future to calm anxieties. Feeling good is above all learning to think correctly, focusing on a present in which to shape an inner peace that no one should disturb.
We certainly all agree with these statements. But why is it so difficult to find this inner balance in which we feel full, in which to enjoy what we have and what characterizes us? Whether we want it or not, there is always something wrong, something that creaks and prevents us from experiencing lasting well-being, which does not decay and remain strong even in the storm.
"Being yourself in a world that constantly tries to make us be something else is the greatest of successes"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
The world of psychology has always focused on this specific goal. However, it must be said, his beginnings were a bit complex. For a long time psychological theories and strategies have sought almost exclusively to understand the most pathological universe. It was only in the late 70s that figures like Martin Seligman or Aaron T. Beck initiated a revolutionary change.
Martin Seligman, known for his studies on depression and learned helplessness, thought it was necessary to direct the field of psychology to a new dimension: happiness. Aaron T. Beck, meanwhile, a pioneer in cognitive therapy, also taught us one key thing: to feel good about yourself, you need to have a positive filter when looking outward ... and inward as well.
Acceptance: the key to personal well-being
Epictetus wrote in his "Manual" that people often insist on wanting life to fit their desires. It is an almost childish effort and being aimed at something impossible, it can generate a high degree of frustration, so the one who was the most representative stoic of his time simply advises us to learn to desire things as they are.
The art of being comfortable with oneself is therefore the practice of acceptance. Acceptance is not, however, synonymous with passivity or resignation. The trick is actually easier than it seems and requires us to invest our efforts on a few goals:
- Accept the negative side of things as soon as they happen to have the opportunity to be in control and generate change. For example, it is essential to be able to quickly perceive our limiting and negative thoughts before they come to completely dominate our minds and approaches.
- Accept who we are, accept our past and present history, accept the person who is reflected in our mirror every day with its strengths and weaknesses and try to give us our approval, without having to wait for others to do it for you.
Being comfortable with yourself means knowing how to practice a type of acceptance in which we have active control over our thoughts. Perhaps what is around us and even the people who are part of our closest context do not always behave as we would like. However, none of this should exasperate us, because if there is calm inside, if there is self-love and balance, no cloud can extinguish the sun we have inside.
Being comfortable with yourself: the art of personal appreciation
Personal appreciation is an exercise that is as useful as it is unknown. You can discover it over time, just when you feel you have neglected it for a long time and you have the feeling of being almost like a pawn on a chessboard, which at first has little value and which no one remembers. We want to be the "lady", but to get there, it is necessary to remember how much we are worth and what role we play in the game of life.
All this can be achieved through an intelligent personal appreciation, that is, feeling part of everything you do and satisfied with every action you take. So if we talked earlier about having more control over our thoughts now it's time to learn to value ourselves through our daily dynamics.
Let's see some examples.
- Being comfortable with yourself means being selective with the people we choose, with those who will be part of our journey.
- Being comfortable with yourself also means having the feeling of self-efficacy, appreciating ourselves for our successes and small daily achievements.
- It also means being consistent with what we say and do, with what we want and what we accomplish.
We cannot overlook another very important element: being comfortable with who you are and what you have is mainly related to comfort. Because the feeling of freedom and agility that we see in some people, and even in ourselves in small pieces, comes from the absence of weight on the shoulders.
Nothing is as satisfying as the feeling of knowing that there are no past weights or chains that others place at our feet to hinder our movements and our opportunities for growth. Therefore we do not neglect the art of feeling good about yourself, a practice that requires great will and determination.
