In every family there is someone who ends up taking on the role of a strong, tenacious and tireless person. However, this role has its consequences, perhaps more than one might think.
Last update: July 30, 2022
There is always someone who finds himself being the strong point of the family, and in some cases without its merits being too clear. Once that role is fulfilled, it is difficult for it to pass to another member or end up being shared.
The reasons why a person becomes the stronghold of the family are varied. Sometimes it happens because she is good at problem solving or because she has a high sense of solidarity; others, just because she is the eldest son. The truth is that it is taken for granted, as if it were natural, that the person has to take on the great crises and the most complex difficulties.
There are times when you decide to be the strongman of the family, because you have the will and the ability to take on that role. Other times, however, he is unable to do so. However, he is expected to continue to hold his role, even at the cost of his well-being. It is then that the question becomes problematic.
“We are not responsible for the happiness of others. We are not responsible for the responsibilities of others. We have the right to be able to stop. So she breathes and rests ”.
-Patricia Ramirez-
Be the strongman of the family
Being the strongest in the family is usually more a role that is assigned in the absence of prior agreement or explicit decision. It is common for some family members to be more willing to solve problematic situations, as well as capable. Following this, the family members begin to delegate to them the crises that arise.
It is not bad that this is the case. Some people are more adept at overcoming difficulties, plus it's as if inertia practically pushes us towards them when they appear. The problematic aspect is to assign this fixed role and make another person responsible for small and big problems.
Even more complex when it ends up making her feel guilty if she refuses or opposes. Others end up assuming a childish attitude, losing part of their autonomy.
"If I don't take care of it, no one else will"
Be the strongman of the family it can also be a consequence of a personal tendency to assume all responsibilities. It is very common to use the formula "If I don't take care of it, nobody else will".
And it is true, since dynamics are triggered by which the strong family member is expected to take on all the problems. At the base there is a form of manipulation, often unconscious, so much so that the person in question ends up becoming a tool for the majority.
A vicious circle is therefore set in motion that feeds the situation. The dynamics only change when the pattern is broken, which usually happens when the person can't take it anymore or something prevents them from holding that role.
Break the pattern
It is possible that the dreams and desires of the "strong" person have been ignored, as others always find themselves first.
The truth is, no one should be the strongest in the family. The main obstacle, however, is the guilt trap. But in every situation a person must ask himself to what extent others really need outside help and what kind. In fact, it would be better to offer an occasional contribution.
The ideal is rather to indicate the path and allow everyone to walk it alone. An adult person must be responsible for himself. Specific and temporary help can be given.
It is no good for anyone to take on others' problems and not allow that others take responsibility for their actions.
