Last update: July 28, 2017
Unfortunately, human relationships suffer from the scourge of manipulation. Most of the time it is an unconscious process. We acquire it without realizing it and reproduce it in the same way. Two mechanisms of manipulation that seriously damage personal bonds are blackmail and coercion.
Manipulation, in psychological terms, is defined as a mechanism by which a person causes the other to say or do something by resorting to tricks, tricks or tricks. Identify situations that exploit others or transform them into a tool for achieving a personal goal. On many occasions he deliberately manipulates himself, we think of the politician who falsifies his intentions to get more votes. Other times, however, especially in private life, the manipulation is minimally conscious or unconscious.
I know people who have been raised through manipulation, control, blackmail, falsehood, intimidation and violence. It is paradoxical that educators see themselves as victims.
Unknown author
How do you exercise blackmail or coercion without realizing it? When we adopt the role of victim, for example. In this way we get the other to act on the basis of guilt and not according to conscience. The same is true when we belittle someone so that they continue to depend on us or when we take advantage of the weakness of the other to put them at our service.
Psychological blackmail, an emotional ballast
Psychological or emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation and, therefore, a violent act. The goal is to control the behavior of others, but also their feelings. Like any blackmail, it is based on a scheme in which the other is dissuaded from doing something as a function of a negative consequence. It works like this: "Do it, but then know that you will suffer" or "Don't do it, but the consequences could be disastrous".
Psychological blackmail prevents a person from acting in full autonomy and freedom. The blackmailer takes care of all this. He will point out all the possible consequences of a given behavior. He wants his victim to act as he wishes, not on the basis of his own personal beliefs.
There are two pillars on which most emotional blackmail rests. One is guilt, the other is insecurity. You get to make the other person believe that her free actions or decisions are actually evidence of her wickedness or that they will cause great harm. Here the other person will behave as the emotional blackmailer wants: "Go to the party ... One day I will be gone and then you will regret not having spent more time with me".
Insecurity is a trait that makes its owner manipulable. It is enough to emphasize this person's mistakes, faults or risks that she takes for her to act like a little lamb. “When you realize that you have no idea what to do, you will look for me and I will help you find the solution.
The compulsion between the raw and the subtle
In compulsion not only do we increase the methods for a person to behave as we want, but we also lead him to do something that goes against his will. Coercion involves more violent behavior than blackmail, with more subtle nuances. Anyway, the coercion is based on a relationship of power and abuse.
There are direct or veiled threats in coercion. They exploit the fear of the other, his condition of vulnerability towards something. Coercion is used above all by power figures in order to manage who is under their influence. In this case the victim is aware of being manipulated, but feels unable to react. Perhaps the reason is because the other is stronger or resorts to physical threats or because they have a higher status and can cause serious harm.
While in emotional blackmail the blackmailer is usually a loved one or with whom the victim has an emotional bond, in coercion this is not necessarily the case. The threats do not come from a loved one, but from a person who is feared. The victim does not realize that he has the resources to resist this form of manipulation, but accepts the position of helplessness in the face of arbitrariness.
Both emotional blackmail and coercion are real cancers for interpersonal relationships. Distort or cancel people's feelings. Maybe the manager often manages to get away with it, but sooner or later, there will be a boomerang effect: the manipulators end up trapped in their own web.
Images courtesy of Benjamin Lacombe
