Last update: April 25, 2020
We all fall in love and each of us has different ways of loving, because we express ourselves differently with the loved one. There are, therefore, different forms of love: love for a partner, for a brother, for a child, for parents, for a family member, for friends, for what one does ... And each of these loves can be a blind love.
Sometimes we can feel limitless love, in which we make the other person a flawless being, whom we deeply admire. We marvel at everything he does and he becomes a fundamental presence in our lives. And at this point we might get the impression that we would be nobody without this person.
Sometimes we can love a person so much that we are unable to see what he really is. We create a kind of distorted reflection. It is blind love, a love in which we can idealize the person we love and give everything for them, forgetting ourselves. Below we talk about this type of love, focusing on blind love in couple relationships.
“Love is painted blind and with wings. Blind not to see obstacles and with wings to avoid them ".
-Jacinto Benavente-
Blind love: when we idealize the person we love
Sometimes we don't notice what the person we're with really is like. This blindness can be the product of idealization: we consider it perfect and we may even stop seeing "its human side". We exaggerate its qualities, ceasing to appreciate ours, so that we can say that it is flawless. We feel good because we have someone who is incredible and often unreachable.
Sigmund Freud he argued that idealization consists in overestimating someone, whether consciously or unconsciously. It is also a defense mechanism, which is a way we use to appease what ails us. We place great value on the other person to mitigate our distress.
Through this defense mechanism we satisfy a part of our needs, we stop feeling lonely or unmotivated because we see the other person as a complement. And that love fulfills everything we needed. The partner may or may not love us, idealization is not related to being physically close to someone, but to the way we overestimate the person in question.
Blind love, love at all costs
The idealization of the partner, along with a self-depreciation, leads many people to give too much in their relationships. This excessive giving can end up overwhelming the other or, when there is a wolf in sheep's clothing, facilitate their evil plan.
When we give all of ourselves to others, placing ourselves at the bottom of the hierarchy, we are completely defenseless. If we are lucky, nothing will happen to us; but if we meet someone with less than noble intentions, the consequences can be highly negative. We don't mind ourselves or our desires, because we live for each other. Even if the person has different interests than ours, we put aside what we want and do whatever is asked of us by the partner.
When we love our partner more than we do
Blind love could be summed up in the phrase "My partner is more important than me". In other words, an imbalance is created when we believe that our loved one comes before us. The characteristics that could arise from this situation are the following:
- Forget who we are.
- Allow the other to step on us.
- Lower self-esteem.
- Not knowing what to do if the other person isn't there.
- Live the life of the partner.
All of this can happen when we put the other person before us, often without it being a conscious decision, not even an interest. In many cases, it is impossible to say no to requests that cannot be fulfilled, because they are excessive or frequent, or because you don't have the necessary resources.
Being in love with love
You can experience blind love even when you are in love with love. What does it mean? When we believe that love is the most beautiful thing that can exist. And we want to have love regardless of the answers to the most important questions. How? With whom? Under what circumstances?
When we fall in love with love, we don't particularly care which person we have next to us. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, because we'll generate an overlay image that fits what we really want. In other words, we seek a relationship at all costs because we believe it is the way to find love and get what we want.
We are so committed to meeting our expectations of what we dream of loving, that we are not committed to truly knowing the other person. We keep imagining, and what we imagine seems fantastic to us. Relating to that fantasy often ends up fueling the fantasy itself. Up to the point where the bubble breaks and we open our eyes, a little bewildered and hurt.
In this case we do not idealize the person, we idealize love. We are excited by the idea of ​​doing the things that lovers do, to the point of undermining our self-esteem. Indirectly, the search for love in this case is a logical answer to preserve or improve the image we have of ourselves.
If we stop seeing the other person, we may miss the opportunity to have a genuine relationship. As a result, we focus so much on our idea of ​​love, that we don't really see each other and we don't live in the present moment. Thereby, we exalt the infatuation, we forget about the partner and ourselves. What matters is to realize that magical, comfortable and dangerous love, because it lacks reality.
Love without going blind
Not all love is blind. Some ideas to love without having eye patches can be:
- Having a deeper connection with ourselves. It is about investing resources to take care of our center of attention and our inner dialogue. This way we will not forget that we are important and unique to the people who love us. We can really love someone and not a surface on which our imagination draws a whim.
- Establish limits. It consists of being clear about what we want and showing it to our partner. It's about being assertive.
- It is important to know that the partner has both qualities and defects. We do not dehumanize our partner, as everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
- Don't go beyond our means. We give what we can without putting ourselves in the background. Loving another person does not mean sacrificing everything.
- Setting your life aside shouldn't be an option. It is possible to love and not neglect ourselves.
- Cultivating ourselves to have something to offer. When we love ourselves and know ourselves, we can empower the best of us. Indirectly, therefore, we can also be better for the other.
Love does not blind us in itself, it is we who can become blind with love. In other words, it is up to us to wear a blindfold and not see much of what is happening in our relationship, in the other person and in us. Consequently, we are the ones who can change the situation. To know if ours is blind love, let's connect with ourselves and let's be honest, the answer is within us.
“Love does not hurt anyone; if you feel that you have been hurt by love, know that something else inside you has been hurt and not your ability to love. "
-Osho-
