Last update: February 18, 2017
We usually think that we "are" in a certain way from birth and that these characteristics are impossible to change. Despite this, we are able to change certain traits of our personality to become better people or to have longer lasting relationships. It is a simple matter of commitment to oneself.
It is the very language we use that is the accomplice of this perception of immutability. The verb "to be" acts as a condemnation, because "to be" refers to an essence that can always be defined in another way, modeled on other bases.
Personality is forged over time
Unlike what we believe, the personality is not a static and immobile entity, but can be shaped according to external stimuli and everything that surrounds us. From the moment we are born, we adopt habits, experiences and even traumas that shape our character.
It is true that, over the years, our behaviors tend to always be the same, or at least very similar, and we end up believing that the personality is branded and, as if it were a tattoo, it is so forever.
However, the good news is that we have the ability to change the traits we don't like very much and improve the relationship we have with ourselves and with others. Although it is easier to "move the pieces" of the personality when we are children or adolescents, it is still possible to achieve positive results in adulthood.
Even if you think that "at your age" it is now impossible to change, we advise you to think twice before convincing yourself of this statement. The changes may not be as obvious or tangible, but they will be there, you can be sure of that. Those slight interventions on your character may be what will help you live happier and to be better people.
Small personality changes that bring us happiness
There is no need to suffer from a severe personality disorder to attend therapy sessions and start changing our attitudes towards our surroundings. Changes are positive and necessary, we cannot always remain in the same position. Always remember the phrase that says "be like the river that flows and does not stop" and use it in everyday life.
Were you the same person 2, 5 or 10 years ago? And we are not talking about height, weight or experience, nor about the studies done or the goals achieved. For sure, what you liked when you were younger is not what you love now and vice versa. So why do we persist in believing that the personality cannot be changed?
If you have ever asked yourself the question "can I change my personality?", It may be because the way you behave or be is ruining your relationships with others or even with yourself. You have already taken the first step wanting to improve… Congratulations! Now we enter the phase of asking for help and following advice that you may not like, but that will surely help you to reach your goal.
Many of the people in the same situation as you want to change a specific trait of their personality. We are not talking about wanting to become a completely opposite person to who you are now, but about improving the aspects that are not entirely positive.
Perhaps your loved ones have pointed out to you that you are a little selfish, that you are very easily distracted, that you cannot make the right decisions or that your lack of punctuality is too much. Now you know what you need to work on!
Take the first step to change your personality
Any changes you want to make to your character take time and effort. This is not "child's play", as is often said, and you certainly won't get up tomorrow morning and you will be different people. You will have to walk a winding path, littered with obstacles to overcome and situations that will put you to the test.
Have a lot of patience, get help from the people you love, be persevering and, above all, have confidence in your abilities.. This is crucial in an undertaking that can be very complicated, which will tear away tears, anger and disappointments. But you have already taken the first steps along the path of change, overcoming and transcendence.
“The river of life flows between the banks of pain and pleasure. The problem arises only when the mind refuses to flow with life and runs aground on the banks. By flowing with life, I mean acceptance: welcoming what comes and letting go of what goes "
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj-
