Last update: 22 September, 2018
In a certain sense, the change is perceived as a negative event, as a weakness: “you have changed, you are no longer what you used to be”. Sometimes change it is vital, but is it possible to do it while remaining oneself?
If change is normal and necessary for our survival, however, there is a certain resistance to change on our part or our surroundings. A form of friction that occurs in every phase: when the change is announced, it begins, is in progress or even has already consolidated.
Can we change our behavior and at the same time, keep our essence, be consistent with who we were, are or will be?
Why do we resist change or see it as a weakness?
Resistance to change is a common reaction: all systems have internal forces that seek stability and permanence. Maintaining a daily dynamic of functioning, even if sometimes problematic, is easier than creating an alternative dynamic, different or new.
There are automatisms and habits on which we regulate and model ourselves. Habit makes almost everything predictable and avoids the effort to adapt to new conditions.
Stability, in the short term, is usually more comfortable than change.
On the other hand, we resist change because over time we get used to a certain way of dealing with life. We spend a lot of time developing the psychological tools needed to deal with difficult times. True, these tools are not always effective, but they are personal, they are our strategies.
This is why change is sometimes seen as weakness. If we have behaved in a certain way for a long time, and apparently things worked out, why change? The people around us, as we have said, feel calmer if they can foresee our responses and behaviors.
If we change, however, the forecasting capacity is canceled for a certain time or weakens. Others too, unwittingly, seek permanence and stability and can come to hinder our decision to change.
"Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change."
-Stephen Hawking-
The change can be interpreted as a weakness. Changing our opinion makes us appear insecure, fickle and unpredictable. Changing one's opinion, however, when we are convinced that we have made a mistake, is an intelligent and winning decision. Otherwise, the risk is to remain prisoners of our contradiction: to think one way and defend the opposite.
Reconsidering is the result of a reflective process, in the course of which we receive new information and perceive reality differently; we realize that what we thought before no longer helps us, it is no longer valid. A fantastic process! What defines us, therefore, is not opinion, but an intelligent way of proceeding.
The process of change involves a personal metamorphosis in which many of our ideas and characteristics come into play. However, in doing so it is possible to feel that we are giving up a part of our ego. Even more so when we fear a negative reaction from our surroundings.
Change and remain yourself: a possible challenge
Often in the personal change process the goal is to bring out the best in us. In reality, what we call change is the act of freeing ourselves from chains, limits and fears. We are not changing, but breaking down barriers by staying true to our essence, allowing it to express itself and spread its wings.
How is it possible to change while remaining oneself? We can do this by trying to keep our axis, looking at reality from multiple points of view, appreciating the wholeness and uniqueness of each situation. And, starting from this, choose how to act, how to think and speak according to the moment and our emotions. We can evolve, ignoring those pre-established or rigid rules that oblige us to always act in the same way.
To change while remaining oneself, one must put aside any kind of orthodoxy or rule, consciously choosing how to show oneself to the world at that particular moment.. This allows you to remain faithful to your essence: to change and somehow keep yourself. Choosing a position based on what you feel and not based on what you "must do" is the safest way to not betray yourself.
Eastern philosophy and the art of changing while remaining oneself
Eastern philosophy explains that stagnation is not a virtue, but the awareness of one's own fixations, one's limits, in order to then overcome them. This is how we can improve while remaining ourselves. In this way, we open a space and allow our true selves to emerge, manifest and grow.
Eastern masters argue that changing and staying true to oneself is not a skill that is learned easily or quickly. It requires constant effort, because our psychological balance tries to remain stable and to keep the pillars steady.
"Excuse me if I didn't recognize her, it's just that I've changed a lot since the last time I saw her."
-Oscar Wilde-
Robert Spencer, in his book The Craft of the Warrior, explains that to remain flexible, we should get used to managing different points of view, avoiding the danger of anchoring ourselves to a single perspective.
Only by training in this type of mental gymnastics can we be spontaneous. If the exercise is interrupted, in a short time our mind will tend to protect itself, remaining trapped in the chains of its own thoughts.
Finally, a metaphor that explains how it is possible to change while remaining oneself:
“Water wins over everything because it adapts to everything. It can be fluid, solid or gaseous. It can be soft or hard, rigid or elastic. Steady or impetuous, calm or stormy. It can flow slowly or swirl, avoid an obstacle or crash violently on it. Precipitate or drip. Water is the natural metaphor of change as the ability to strategically adapt to different circumstances. "
And if you were like water… what would happen?
