Last update: May 03, 2020
Every change is a challenge, an adventure in which many times we throw ourselves totally blind. Whether it is for better or for worse, change forces us to face the uncertainty of what will happen and to abandon all the securities we are used to. Changing for the better is also not painless.
Taking an unknown path, never traveled before, is a test of courage and, many times, also of intelligence. Whether it's a new job where we have more responsibility, starting a new relationship, or training regularly to keep fit, it's always hard to step into uncharted territory, even when we know we're doing it for good reason.
Every change, however much it may be a source of improvement, is still a process and as such involves the overcoming of a series of stages to which different emotional states correspond. We must also consider that our mind prefers the continuity, stability and the feeling of security that only known things can give us, for this reason, it sometimes plays tricks on us, instilling doubts in us and making us feel nostalgia, so as to keep us from changing.
For this reason, some changes, although they are the only way to achieve what we most desire, make us feel bad. In a sense, changing means saying goodbye to what has been part of our life up to that point, be it habits, people or situations. How can we avoid feeling “lost” in the face of change?
"When the wind of change blows, some build walls, others build windmills."
- Chinese proverb
Change for the better: saying goodbye is one of the hardest steps
Starting a new path means leaving the previous one behind and, only if the latter has really ended will we be truly ready to welcome the change. That is to say, it is best not to leave any questions pending or waiting for an answer. In this regard, it is necessary to know how to say goodbye, but it is not always easy, to do so requires a great dose of courage and a clear vision of what we want for our future. However, even if we don't lack courage, saying goodbye is always complicated.
To be able to say goodbye to our feelings and our habits, we must first of all be able to admit and manage how we feel about our past. For example, if we decide to divorce because we believe it is the best thing for us and that in this way we will feel better, we must also be ready to manage the sadness that assails us when it comes to ending the relationship with the other person. Ultimately, it will mean change for the better, but such a change still hurts.
If we can't manage our feelings, they will hinder our transformation process, that is to say they will lead us to stall, postponing the conclusion of the situation in which we find ourselves. Fear, indecision, or even fear of what others will think can hinder us. The point is, if we don't take control of our emotions, we will be trapped. This is why it is good to understand that feeling sadness, fear and even anger does not mean that we are changing for the worse.
To help us clarify, we should ask ourselves: Why should I stay in this situation? What awaits me if I find the courage to change? What am I afraid of losing? The answers we give to these questions will help us clear our minds and not get overwhelmed by emotions, but above all they will remind us of the reason that prompted us to want to change.
Once all doubts have been dispelled, we just have to accept the pain and face it, leaving the caterpillar life behind us and finally transforming ourselves into butterflies. Nor should we forget that changing is not just losing who we have been in the past, it is also gaining who we will be in the future, passing through the most important stage: our current self. To this end, it is important to evaluate what we are giving up and the opportunities that change can offer us.
“Life is not a problem to be solved. It's a mystery to live. "
-S.Kierkegaard
Change for the better and deal with new things responsibly
Saying goodbye to our past life is not the final stage of the journey of change, nor the last paragraph of a long chapter. Once the previous phase is over, we just have to embrace the new reality by changing our habits. A reality made up of uncertainties that will require, beyond the change we had imagined, a long process of adapting to the consequences.
The change confronts us with a universe of possibilities in which our attitude acts as a compass. How we decide to deal with change can be decisive for our future. Also in this phase it is essential to be able to manage one's emotions: in this case it is very important to remain calm, remembering the moments in which we felt lost, but in which we finally managed to "find ourselves".
In our new situation there will be some positives, some negatives and even some that we still ignore. What makes the difference will be our responsibility combined with our will to stay there. The secret lies in not getting lost in this new path.
Changing for the better can also be painful, because it still means saying goodbye to a part of our history. Renunciation is the price to pay to be able to embark on a new adventure.
“I learned that there is no going back, that the essence of life is to move forward. Life is truly a one-way street. "
-Agatha Christie-
